OMG. It seems like everyone here at school either knows someone, is friends with, or has a boyfriend named Justin. It’s driving me crazy, but at least I know the ones they’re talking about are in high school, and mine is in college Dude, I just called him “mine,” haha … but I don’t think he’d mind that! OMG, yesterday I was chatting with him (with Ashley watching), and he was so cute! He like wanted to kiss me and he said he missed me and couldn’t wait to see me next Saturday! I was like, aww! And when Ashley talked to him, he said something about needing a girl, and she was like, I think I know who (meaning me)! He said he wasn’t 100% sure ’cause he’d only met me once, but I know from everything else that he’s done that he DOES like me, and probably wants to go out with me (yay) Speaking of that, damn, something is wrong with Brad. I tried talking to him last night, and he was like all depressed and didn’t know anything anymore or what he wants and he just wants to die (!). I couldn’t talk long so I couldn’t say much, and when I had to go, I was like just be happy, smile, etc., and he was like, okay bye *sigh* I don’t want him to be all sad! Then again, I can’t let him drag me down ’cause I’m not “with” him anymore, but still, we’re friends, and I hate it when my friends are stubborn and won’t let you cheer them up at least a little bit. But oh well … dammit, I wanna go home and see everybody (a.k.a. Justin). Especially after what happened yesterday … omg, and I heard on the news that the Merrill Lynch building is gonna collapse! Everyone’s been evacuated already, but still, doesn’t that suck? It wasn’t even hit by a plane or anything, but I guess the rubble and shock from the towers made it unstable or something *shrugs* But dude, I still can’t believe the whole thing. It hasn’t sunk in at all yet. Like I’m expecting to wake up tomorrow and see the towers still standing — dude, I watched most of Bless the Child earlier today, and in it there were scenes from New York before this tragedy, and it was so weird to see them. But anyway, Justin just IMed me, so I’m gonna go and talk to him now — bye bye!

OMG. Guess what happened today. The Pentagon and World Trade Center towers were crashed into by 3 hijacked planes (one for each) today. Plus, a bomb went off on the helipad (place where helicopters land) of the Pentagon. Can you say omg? I could not, and still can’t, believe it. I mean, just last week the towers were THERE when we visited Grandpa. Hell, this morning they were there! Now they’re just piles of rubble on the GROUND. They’re destroyed, demolished. Forever. And Dad thinks that they won’t be rebuilt — but probably a monument or something will be put in their place (and maybe today be named “Pentagon/World Trade Center Day” or something). But geez, those things were like a major landmark of NYC, if not the whole US. And as a result of everything, all the airports in the NATION are shut down until further notice … so are various DC schools (even Madiera), everything in DC (including the capital and White House), and stuff in North (I think)/South Carolina and Maryland. Bush is like stuck somewhere in Florida (think he was about to do something with education). Oh wait, there were 4 planes (’cause Dad said 4 flights were unaccounted for or something). One for each tower, the Pentagon (yes, one flew into there, too), but the remaining one crashed in Pittsburgh. No one knows where it was flying to (at least I don’t) … and then I heard something about a plane and Ohio, but I dunno if it has anything to do with the towers/Pentagon tragedy.

After eating lunch, I went to the library to watch the news about it, and I just kinda stood there for a few minutes, watching the Pentagon blaze and the towers smoke, listening to what the news people were saying and watching the little prompts on the bottom of the screen, saying what was closed. Then I went to the computer room to check email and chat with people about it … but what was weird and annoying was that I IMed Justin all like, omg, did you hear about what happened, I can’t believe it! And he was like, uh, yeah, it sucks. Basically, all he wrote was one word answers, and said he wasn’t even freaked out about it. WTF? Dude, we’re having a national emergency, and you’re all cool and collected? People here are crying their eyes out, even those of us who DON’T have family in the dead buildings! I mean, aren’t you even a little scared? I got pissed at him for that, and was like hey, I’m gonna go call my dad now, ttyl. “Bye” was all he said. I swear, he like hates me now for some reason I don’t know. Oh well, screw him, we’ll see what happens next time we meet.

Anyway, here’s how I first found out about it (sorry this is like not in order, lol): after graphic design it was food break, so after getting my chocolate muffin I went back to the dorm to change books, yada yada yada. Erica’s there, and she’s like, dude, there was an explosion in the Pentagon or something. I was like, huh? DC101 is playing so I change my books and stuff while listening to that. They go on to say stuff about the towers and crashes. I’m still in disbelief, and so is Erica. She’s like, this is kinda scary! I go, yeah, almost like Pearl Harbor — they snuck up on us. So then we go to the judicial meeting. But, instead of it being a judicial meeting, it turns into a meeting of Ms. Leip taking the podium, informing us of the tradegy (by this time I’m stunned and about to cry, not really knowing why, and trembling) … she tells us about the planes crashing, how the Pentagon thing happened just 20 minutes earlier, that no one knows who did it yet, what airlines were involved, the capital and White House were evacuated, etc. Elizabeth starts bawling ’cause her Dad works in the towers (I found out later he’s okay), and so is Melissa (dunno about her). Nora is also supposedly screwed ’cause she’s a princess (still don’t know how or why that came about) and whose dad is a BIG government guy … all I heard was that she left earlier today *and grape gum is yummy* Sorry, lol. But yeah, during the whole meeting I’m just sitting there trembling in shock, not believing my ears, listening to the muffled sobs of various girls, and worrying and wondering if Dad, Grandpa, and Justin are alright and how they’re taking it. We all know Justin was a bitch and didn’t even care how I felt. Yeah, he asked if I was freaked, but that was the end of that. WTF, I’m like, hello? The girl you wanna kiss next time you see her feels like crying, and you don’t even attempt to comfort her or anything? What is wrong with you? I would do the same for you, except you weren’t “affected” for some reason *sigh* Oh well. Enough bitching about him.

Anyway, after chatting and checking email, I go back to the dorm to try and call Dad. He doesn’t answer his cell phone (’cause he was talking to Grandma on the cordless, I later learn), and his 202 number for work, just didn’t even RING. I’m like damn, DC must really be clogging the phone lines, lol. Though when I talk to him later, he says he never even went to work ’cause he saw what had happened on TV. Good thing, too, ’cause traffic there is HELL. Metro was shut down initially, but now is running to relieve some of the pressure on the roads. Although it bypasses National Airport and the Pentagon stops. They also opened up a few bridges to help with traffic … I dunno how traffic is now, but definitely it’s not as bad as it was earlier. I think like ALL of DC was eventually evacuated (all the monuments and museums were shut down, too), so stuff isn’t as bad car-wise as it was earlier. Even MetroBus, which they said was slow ’cause of all the volume *KMFDM rocks* LOL, sorry. Dude, “wake me up in anarchy … ” is kinda like today. I woke up, and a few hours later, the nation is in anarchy. I think

Well, I’m gonna go take a shower now — I’m pretty sure I explained all the tragedy-related events today … so, until more news about it (or another big event) happens, I’m out! Oh yeah, when I was talking to Mrs. Thorndike about this, she said that when we find out what country did this, we might go to war with them. WAR. How scary is that … I mean, I’ve been living in a US-involved-war-free world since WWII. That would so SUCK, but that country would deserve it! Just look at what happened: they made the US — the most powerful nation in the world — incredibly tense and vulnerable. Not to mention destroyed three of its most prized possessions. I guess all we can do now is pray that this isn’t the start of some string of terrorist events. Damn.

OMG, I am obsessed with Justin’s Yahoo profile picture — it’s so cute! Even though it’s old, lol, and his page doesn’t work anymore. Dammit, I’m so bored. I can’t do anything ’cause there’s stupid sing-sings going on and people will drag me to the Fox one if I so much as even go near my dorm, so yeah. I’m hiding out here. Hopefully Justin won’t be gone too long, ’cause I wanna talk to him again before dinner. Dude, I wonder if he still really likes me. He hasn’t said “babe” or “cutey” or anything in awhile … and I really don’t wanna have to go through two guy-withdrawal things (Brad and Justin) in one week *sigh* Oh well, I guess I’ll find out in 2 weeks what the deal is with him. If he still wants to see me again, that is. Okay, I’m weird, last year I never had a boyfriend, but now, like 3 days into being at school this year, I’m wishing for something that probably WILL happen, and already over-analyzing it and crap. But hey, at least this year, if things DO work out between us, I won’t be all guy-depressed and stuff, lol. Hmm, well I’m gonna go check out the Hanson message board now, but I’ll keep you guys updated on whatever else happens with Justin (and life) … whenever it does. See ya!

Okay, well I’m talking to Justin online now, and after awhile of running out of things to say, we started typing random smiley faces and stuff. Then he said, “would you like a kiss?” I thought he meant the smiley face kiss (I think it’s :-*), so I was like, sure, hehe … ’cause I know he likes me and stuff, lol, and he’s a cool guy. But little did I know that he meant in real life! LOL, not that it’s a bad thing, just kinda surprised … ’cause here I am, 2 days after breaking up with Brad and I already have another guy wanting to go out with me, haha. And since no one was online who I could spaz to (Shaune, Kristen, etc.), I decided to write in here, hehe.

Now I just gotta figure out if I wanna be with him … ’cause Brad was a mere 2 days ago! *sigh* I don’t know. Buy shy guys are cute and sweet, hehe. Which he was … The only downside to him is that he’s only 1 inch taller than me … if not my height, lol. But oh well, it’s not that big a deal! *swats the air* And this stupid fly needs to go away, haha. On another note, I saw Alex today! After a few agonizing moments of if Shaune would call and when/if Dad would go and what I would say to both to pull it off, but thankfully by some unknown force I am again free! The whole time my stomach was in a nervous knot wondering what Dad was up to back home, which might be one factor in why my driving sucked, lol (accidentally cut off an 18-wheeler and missed 2 exits) … but oh well. I got home in one piece and without suspicion, so I’m happy. Plus I feel loved again with Justin’s kissing thing. Which is rare, lemme tell ya … feeling loved. Up to the beginning of this summer I felt like no one truly did … but then Brad came! And then Justin (I think … ), so yeah, I’m happy. Didn’t really do much with Alex, though. I showed him my Aussie pictures and bungy video, and then we played TimeSplitters with his friend for a little while. And then we played by ourselves. I again lost badly, although I did kill him a few times! I suck so bad at that game, haha, but oh well, it’s fun! There’s definitely no chance of us having a relationship, though, ’cause of his soul-mate Annie all the way in New York (whom he loves with everything that he is). And no, I’m not gonna go and like track her down and stalk her, haha — I respect the fact that they’re perfect for each other. It’s cute! Everyone has their other half … it’s just a matter of finding them. Although I kinda do like him and he’s really cute, I’d feel weird being with him ’cause I’d always know in the back of my mind that I wasn’t “the one”, ya know? And I don’t date just for the hell of it … only if the person has the right kind of qualities and personality and stuff like that Alex also has the drinking/drug thing (although not that much), so that’s another reason why it’d be weird to go out with him. But oh well, he still rocks. OMG, Joey Lawrence’s song “I Didn’t Wanna Fall in Love” is EXACTLY what I feel right now! Hehe. Anyway, well I g2g now, but I’ll talk to all of you Diarylander people (hehe) later — bye!

Dude. MatchMaker rocks. Today I met my 4th guy from there, hehe: Justin. And lemme tell ya, it went better than I expected! Since he didn’t have a picture up or anything, I wasn’t sure what he looked like or if he even was who he said he was (since we didn’t talk on the phone either), but thankfully he turned out to be cool. He was sweet and nice, and although I crawled into my little “shell” and was all shy and stuff (think he was too, though), that didn’t keep him from indicating that he likes me, lol. Heck, I knew he did even before we met ‘Cause in chatting he would call me “cutey” and “babe” and stuff (hehe), and then today, after we had eaten and met his roommate and Dan (their friend), he was like, hmm … wanna go somewhere private and talk and stuff? I was like, sure, okay … and so we went to this couch and like talked about random stuff for about 30/40 minutes. Even though it was next to the elevators and people were coming in and out like 5 feet in front of us every 30 seconds, it was still cool. And then, dude, I could’ve sworn he was trying, or wanted to, put his arm around me during the end. He like turned and draped his arm over the edge/back of the sofa (like Brad did when we saw Pearl Harbor *sighs and has a happy flashback*), but it wasn’t like around me or anything. But oh well, I could just be mis-interpreting that He hugged me before I went through the little farecard-taker things at the metro, though. I was like, aww. Hehe. And then tonight while chatting with him I had to keep changing computers ’cause Ross had to do stuff for school, and I was like, hey sorry I keep changing computers, he said, “it’s okay, you’re worth it.” Cute, no? LOL AND before that, he said something like, “when I said you looked different from your pictures earlier, I meant you were cuter, but was too shy to say it.” How aww is that? Damn, I know this sounds horrible ’cause I broke up with Brad like YESTERDAY, but I can’t help it! Something’s wrong with me, haha. ‘Cause I’m supposed to be sad since Brad and I aren’t together anymore, and I know I will be soon when it sinks in, but for some reason it doesn’t feel like we have, unless I sit down and really think about it. Then I feel like crying. But other than that, I don’t really, although it’s always in the back of my mind. It’s weird. And everytime I think about his voice and the good times we had and all that stuff, I get depressed, but that’s only when I lie in bed at night or have a moment of quiet to myself, and it’s gone by morning for some reason *sigh* I dunno … I just hope Justin doesn’t try anything really romantic-y on me for awhile ’cause I’m still a little withdrawn over Brad and stuff. Well, I g2g now ’cause Dad is bugging me to go to bed, but I’ll talk to you guys later and give you an update on how tomorrow goes with Alex (if Dad even leaves me the van, first of all, lol) — bye!

Damn, why aren’t my buttons up there (and background) showing up? Grr! Stupid Foxcroft people must’ve deleted the directory I put them in. Double grr Well, guess I gotta make new ones tomorrow …

Yum. Just finished a pack of Arthur chewy fruit snacks. LOL. I’m addicted to those things. Anyway, today was a good day for getting my mind off Brad, lol. Seeing as how I’m already sliding into depression even though we haven’t officially broken up yet *sigh* I still can’t believe it … I am so not looking forward to another long time of singleton — hopefully Alex or that other guy from MatchMaker will find some kinda romantic spark in me, lol. But oh well. Onto the good stuff. The Toyota now has a NEW CD player and radio! Plus NEW blue fire seat covers! Yay! I was so happy when Dad let me get the seat covers, ’cause they match the steering wheel cover and dice … so yeah. Can’t wait to put them in tomorrow. Then he got me a new bluish/purplish phone for my room since the other one broke. It’s cool ’cause now I have a cordless and can program my OWN speed dial numbers, haha. Can’t wait ’til it’s finished charging (is 16 hours too long of an initial charge time? Me thinks so, lol! ) … and then (no “and then”!), I got a fire folder, pencil case, and shoelaces (yes, I know, very random) at Hot Topic. Dunno what I’m gonna use the shoelaces for (folder and pencil case = school) … just thought they looked cool. And hey, they were only $2.50. LOL. Dammit, Alex needs to get on. He said he got back from New York tonight. Even though I don’t know when, I gotta talk to him about hopefully seeing him tomorrow. ‘Cause I’m going to New York (a different part, lol) on Sunday … and then like 2 days after I get back I get to go to school for like forever, lol … so I wanna see him again before hell starts *sigh* I still wonder what he thinks of me … whether he likes me as a friend or as more than that … oh well *shrugs* Ooh, happy thought: wonder if he’ll wanna call me at school? LOL, I dunno, whatever he wants to do is cool with me. I think I’ve run out of things to say now, but since I got nothing else to do online, I figured I’m gonna blab until I either get too tired to type or until Alex gets on. Haha. Okay, ’cause I’m bored, I’m gonna write out what I’m gonna wear tomorrow and crap like that *insert usual morning shower first* Shirt = new Gap shirt I got yesterday: black, sleeveless with red and white weird Ed’s diner/vintage-looking stuff on it, and my flare Gap pants. Damn, I’m going “Gap-py”, aren’t I? LOL. For shoes I’m probably gonna wear my sneakers in case I drive there (and they’ll go with the shirt anyway). Accessories = new fire necklace I got last night at Tysons, watch, and hair band … maybe silver ring if it looks right. Then I just gotta toss my fire wallet into the van (yes, if you haven’t noticed yet, I’m obsessed with fire stuff, lol), grab the keys, and go. That’s assuming I get the van. Hopefully Dad will believe another one of my spending-the-day-with-Shaune stories and not find out that I went all the way to Maryland. And that’s assuming that Shaune still wants to go and CAN go and won’t leave me stranded again. Oh well, at least I know the way this time And if Shaune has to pick me up from here, that’s fine, too. As long as it’s cool with her (and Alex) that we spend the day at his (amazing) place, I’m happy. And it’ll take some of the Brad-sadness off me (hopefully). Oh well … what to write … Alex still isn’t on, haha. I’m beginning to think that he won’t get on AT ALL tonight. Hmmm … maybe he got a late flight or whatever and is dead tired or something. And obviously already went to bed. Although it’s only 12:41 am now. I’ll stay on like another half hour and if he doesn’t show up then I’m going to sleep. And hey, if he doesn’t show up tomorrow either, I can still call Shaune and we can do something else … like go to the pool or show off our new fire stuff to each other or something. Haha, that’d be funny … showing off our fire stuff. Makes ya wonder what else people do when they’re bored. LOL. Ah, YAY! Alex just got on! *dances around the room* Haha, sorry, mini-teeny attack there Grr … one question: why is it that guys never message you first? Why’s it always gotta be that YOU be the first to message THEM? Does anyone else find that annoying? Haha, well gonna go now and talk to Alex, so ttyl — bye!

Okay, cross out me going to Alex’s. He can’t. And insert the whole above rambling into Tuesday or Wednesday when I probably WILL see him. And insert me trying out my new phone, fire stuff, and car tomorrow … and hopefully seeing Shaune if she has time. Yeah, I’m kinda bummed about not being able to see him … but yay, he said *hugs* at the end of our convo. Hehe. Things are well in the world of Claire

*cries* Get ready for another long episode of sadness. Brad finally called me, and after talking for awhile, I have a feeling that we’re gonna have to break up I really don’t want to, I love him so much. And after almost 3 months together, it has to end. Why? I thought he was the one, I really thought that this was gonna work, but no. And even though he doesn’t want to end it either, he’s too busy with work and school and stuff, and he barely has time for that, much less me, friends, family, etc. And it’s just gonna get harder when I go back to school and his workload gets heavier and stuff … and just, *sigh*, I can’t believe it. As No Doubt would put it, I’m gonna be another ex-girlfriend. I just hope that if we do have to end it (god forbid), I won’t get depressed and cry all day and stuff. I know I probably will, though … and I just realized that whatever happens, whether we stay together or break up, I’m gonna be hurting either way. Never seeing him = hurt and breaking up (of course) = hurt. Why is love so fuckin’ hard? Plus, probably nothing is gonna happen next summer ’cause if his friend gets him this job in Annapolis, we wouldn’t be able to get back together ’cause that’s like 2 hours away *sigh again* I just want someone who’ll love me forever and ever and ever … is that too much to ask?

At least he still wants to be friends if we do break up … not sure if that’s a good or bad thing … ?