Well, I’m back at school, and Mrs. Heidi is making everyone go to bed at 11, regardless if they’re a leader or not. Huh? Oh well … guess I’ll need it since I’ve been staying up ’til 2 am every night, haha. Man, I can so not see myself being able to get up at 7:30 tomorrow morning … uh, help? LOL … at least I have my Brad bear to sleep with, hehe, so hopefully it won’t be that bad. Jose is asking me the randomest questions tonight (i.e., “if u had to fight anyone who will u fight?”) — the boy is weird, I just don’t know about him.

Today was pretty cool … besides having to come back to dreaded school. Got to see Brad for a few hours, which was needed We didn’t do much, hung out in my room, drove to the Ford dealer to get parts, and ate lunch at some cheap Chinese place (twice-cooked pork = spicy, yet good). Grr, wish he was on, though … gotta tell him about the coolest song I downloaded! It’s a techno remix of NIN’s “Closer” by Static-X. Me likes it! I also downloaded like 25 other songs, hehe … guess I’m starting on my download rampage again. It’s weird … after not talking to him for awhile it made me seriously start thinking of taking a break from dating guys for awhile, but then after talking to him on the phone and seeing him today, it made all that go away. I dunno, I’m still kinda skeptical, for some reason, I just can’t bring myself to trust him 100% after what he did. Sure, he’s sorry and knows that he was a bitch, but there’s this little part of me that can’t let go *sigh* I dunno … hopefully it’ll go away as our time together progresses. I miss him already though!

Yay, he’s on now But really tired, as usual … man, wish he wasn’t ’cause I know what that’s like, and hate it, but oh well … can’t really do anything about it. Aww, he just said he loves me … well, by “<3 you,” but ya know, yeah

Note to self: download more DDR songs!

Bah. Today is looking like another mellow day. It’s been raining/sleeting outside all day, and it’s supposed to start snowing later … so yeah. It’s good ’cause I want some freakin’ snow, but bad ’cause I gotta drive and get some stuff for school *sneezes* Ah well … I think I’m getting sick … or maybe I’m just allergic to my cats. Either way, I’m sneezing like crazy, haha.

Damn, why does Neil have to like me so much? Last night he was like, Claire … even though I just met you and I don’t know that much about you, I really like you … I was like aww … Mark said the same thing basically, except he’s known me longer and knows a little bit more, but still … I mean, it was really sweet and stuff, but geez, I have Brad … I think. I haven’t seen him since Wednesday, and he’s only called once after seeing my name on the caller ID, so I dunno — I’m having second thoughts about this “trying it again” thing … does he really care and want to make it work? Or is he just gonna go hide out working on his car all day again … *sigh* I don’t know … part of me wants to call it quits, part of me wants to try the single thing for awhile, and the other part wants to meet both Mark and Neil and see how things go from there *sigh again* Is love supposed to be this hard? Well, I’m gonna go now and get my stuff for school, but I’ll ttyl — bye.

Today was okay. I slept ’til 12, and would’ve slept longer if Dad hadn’t woken me up, lol. But oh well … I guess sleeping the whole day isn’t the best thing to do. After getting up I tried to go online, but Ross was (and still is) working on his little ramp project, so that basically kicks me off the PC for the day. Which sucks. So to pass the time I vacuumed my room, did laundry, and cleaned out my picture cabinet thingy … omg, I still had Sunny pictures in there. I was like, geez, when was the last time you looked in here, haha. Then I took a shower, went with Dad to get gas, came back, went online for like 2 seconds, went to go give Shaune a ride to work, but her parents came back like right after I left, so I didn’t find out I could’ve stayed home until I got there, but it was okay — Shaune was like freaking out about how good a friend I was — she was like, hey, if you ever really need a ride from Foxcroft or something, just call me! Hehe, so it was all cool. Plus, while I was out I figured I’d get a haircut, so I did that. Don’t think the guy layered it enough, but oh well, it still looks fine. OMG, my basement is SO freakin’ cold (I just ate dinner down there while watching Cribs … and omg, lol). It’s like 20 degrees colder than the rest of the house, and the only time that I’m really warm is when I’m by the heater in the den (like now). Ahh … heat rocks I just skimmed over last night’s post, and I realized I forgot to include that besides Jose liking me, Mark and Neil do too. Like, a lot. Grr … I mean, yeah it’s flattering, but I’ve been going through this guy stuff too long! Don’t get me wrong, they’re both really nice guys and good friends, and I hate the way that they keep having to go through girl shit like I do guy shit, but I’m getting tired of going from one guy to the next all the time … it sucks, and I wish there was something I could do to help make it less painful, but there isn’t really … plus they live like 1 or 1 1/2 hours from me. So yeah … *sigh* I wonder if I should go see Shaune tonight. I don’t really have anything to do, and Ross is still typing away, but I’m tired for some reason. But maybe I’ll go anyway just to have something to do. Yeah … will do that later once I get my site stuff squared away. By the way, everyone download “A Thousand Miles” by Vanessa Carlton — the piano is so pretty!

This is going to be really random but I don’t care:

“Electro-Shock Blues” by The Eels is my anthem. Get yours here.

I want Brad to get on … I’m so gonna bitch him out if he’s playing me again. I’ve gone through this too many times to need another crazy night, crying into the dark hours of the morning and wondering if life will ever be happy again. “Wherever You Will Go” by The Calling is my song right now, the video explains me … I just need to find my prince charming that will take me away from all this hate engulfing me. I can’t believe Shaune’s mad at me … she’s NEVER been mad at me for ANYTHING! God! I don’t know what to do, I really don’t. People always say to put your friends before guys … but, that’s easier said than done. I’m on the verge of tears … *sigh* … I shouldn’t be like this … I need to escape, but I don’t know how …

*sigh* I’m so bored. No one’s online, some weird Hanson chick is IMing me, and I only have 2 more days of freedom left before school starts up again. And yeah, break has been awesome (well, most of it … ), but I don’t want it to end! Plus, going back means I can’t see Brad for like 2 weeks, which is gonna suck. Seeing Alex today went okay … all we did was drive around and get hot chocolate (well, he did), then I had to go ’cause I didn’t want Dad to start wondering where I was, and he had to go ’cause he had soccer. He likes me too … grr. Why does every guy I meet like me? LOL. I hope Brad calls soon, he said he would. Man, I don’t see how he can work on his car all day … I mean, it’s freezing outside, haha. And I doubt if his garage thing is heated. But oh well … gonna go surf aimlessly now, so ttyl.

Okay, I just got Kristen’s reply from my email to her regarding the whole Brad thing, and as much as I totally went against what she said (taking a break from guys in general) ’cause I didn’t know she thought that until now, she IS right. I mean, Brad knows that he’s been a bitch and all, but at the same time I know he cares, ’cause he said he didn’t go out with anybody (or even looked for people to go out with) while I was with Justin ’cause he was hoping he could come back to me. And at that time I kept saying I would never ever talk to him again, etc … yet he still hung on and was patient. And now look what happened … everything’s back to where it was before. I guess history does repeat itself, lol. I’m kinda wondering if I should take her advice, though … it’d kinda suck for Brad since we’re already going out, but then again, if he still cares he should respect my decision since all I’m running on for him is trust, and my luck with that lately hasn’t exactly been blue-ribbon material .. *sigh* … love sucks.

Anyway, I’m meeting this MatchMaker guy Alex later today … wonder how that’s gonna go. I gotta be careful, though, ’cause we’re meeting at Tuckahoe … and that’s not exactly the most crowded place ever. But then again, there IS a busy street near it, so I think I’ll be fine. And I DO have my car, so I have like a get-away thing, lol. I just tried to call him, but no one was home (and the Spanish answering machine came on, haha), and don’t wanna call his cell ’cause that’s long distance. Oh well. And let’s hope he doesn’t try anything either … I’m not 100% sure if I told him that Brad and I were back together … but if I didn’t, he’ll find out today

Okay, fuck you Justin. I can’t believe I thought you were so nice *sigh* Ah well … I’m tired of explaining this again, so I’m just gonna say I’m back with Brad. Yeah, I’m sure all of you are freaking out and wondering why, but don’t worry, we talked everything out, and hopefully this time around things will work better.

P.S. In case you’re wondering, it’s a new year, so I figured I might as well start a new blog ’cause the other one was starting to annoy me. I can’t believe I finally got this fuckin’ thing to work, though, haha, so yay me Ta ta for now.