Okay, so the thing with Brad is mostly over now. Quicker than I thought, but oh well. I just hope I made the right choice by believing him. Anyway, I g2g to the senior slide show soon … but yeah.

We just had a big thunderstorm, and it was cool ’cause all of sudden this huge flash/sound of lightning/thunder hits really close and makes me jump, and I’m like yay. LOL.

Know what else? I “black-ified” my computer, hehe … I’ll put a screen capture up soon. It’s cool And I dunno what else to say, except exams are finally over, and I have 2 days left!

Also, look what Brad sent me about the whole thing in the previous post:

I’d like to quote jai: “There comes a point in paranoia, where no matter what you say, you’re wrong.” If you don’t believe me now, why should you believe ANYTHING i say? And if you can’t believe anything i say, do you not believe that i feel the same way about you that you do me?”

OMG omg omg … from Jose :

apperantly brad was hitting on her since when i dont know , he has been calling her to invite her to places, this tot my knowlege sounds like it happen durring the time he wasnt talking much to u (but that part i dont know for sure) last time he called jen was last week when she told him to plz stop calling her and that she had a bf he IM her today telling her that he was thinking on calling her yesterday

*cries*

Woah x 3. LOL. Well, things are definitely okay with Brad now! Look at what he wrote in this survey I sent him:

8. What are your plans for the weekend?
Well, saturday claire and i are gonna hang out … maybe go see a movie or get dinner

13. Are you in love with anyone now and they have no idea?
In love, and they know it

28. Perfect wedding song?
“And nothing else matters” by Mettalica

29. Do you have a boy/girl friend?
Yeap!

30. A crush?
Only my G/f

53. If you were going to have sex with anyone, right now, who would it be?
Definately Claire. I’m totally in love with her (<3 babe)

So yeah. I think my fears of him not loving me and stuff have been quieted for awhile. The last question, even though he added it in, made me go aww, hehe. But guess what he suggested for Saturday when we spend practically the whole day with each other? That we take a shower together. At first I was like um woah … but after thinking about it for awhile, it doesn’t seem that bad. I mean, it’s not like he hasn’t seen me like that … and he’s doing it ’cause he loves me … so it’s okay. And he knows that I’m kinda nervous about it ’cause I haven’t done it before, so hopefully it’ll go pretty slow. I’ll let you know what happens.

Oh, and guess what? My plates came yesterday! I’m so putting them on tomorrow night when I get home, hehe. Plus, Dad said that something from poetry.com (where I submitted a poem) came in the mail with a window showing my poem. He said it was really good, but I dunno why it came and why they sent it. Guess I’ll find out tomorrow night too! Know what else is cool? I finished my English paper last night — a whole day before it’s due. Go me! Haha. I gotta work on that happening for more assignments.

I got to see Da Vinci’s Notebook tonight! It was so awesome, Shaune even said that it was their best concert yet that she’s seen, and I definitely agree, hehe. They played like 3 new songs, which of course were great, and then afterwards we got coffee and drove around for awhile (I got to try out Biblio!), and then we headed home So yeah, tonight was actually fun for once. And know what’s crazy? I might get to see Brad tomorrow … after like 2 weeks of not. Watch it not happen (again), but *sigh* … at least I’ll have Neil to cheer me up if I don’t. And speaking of Neil, it’s crazy … like he loves me now. As in the way that Brad does (or did … ). I’m just like woah. I mean, it’s really sweet and cute, and he’s a really nice guy, but sometimes it’s like, okay, don’t like me that much yet. And wow, Shaune sent me this really good essay thing about relationships:

It is reasonable to say that the teenage years are simply confusing times. I myself am thoroughly mystified by a variety of people, actions, places, or situations ranging from physics to learning the waltz. I am horribly confused, though, as to why many adolescent girls find it necessary to endure gratuitous mistreatment from their relationships. During extensive phone conversations and slumber parties, I have listened to many depressing stories pertaining to my friends’ “dating bliss.” It seems that the girls’ significant others have proven themselves to be unworthy of my friends’ affection, much less that of anyone else. Pals of mine have been cheated on repeatedly, ignored, stood up, belittled, and insulted by their boyfriends. If that is not enough, the “gentlemen” have accepted extraordinary gifts from my friends such as stereos, video games and taxi rides while they are unable to return the favor with something as small as a date.

It is certain that a predominant cause to these girls’ gluttony for punishment is the absence of their self-esteems. Being strikingly smart, talented, and attractive, it seems absurd how my friends have the notion that they cannot go out with anyone better than those who they are already dating. Perhaps they believe it is their duty to spoil their boyfriends in order to keep them by means of paying for dinner and movie tickets, driving to their houses for visits, and buying presents for them on random occasions. These girls, however, are the ones who deserve to be taken on dates, presented with gifts, and treated properly. It is evident that someone must be satisfied with whom she is in order to be able to deal with the challenges and personal needs in a relationship.

It is likely that many hopeless relationships continue to endure due to one party’s fear of being alone. Many people would rather have a significant other than be alone, believing a blatant myth stating “single” translates to “unhappy.” Societal pressures from the media urge teenagers to be with someone in order to be cool. What is “cool,” anyhow? What’s more, does life exist outside of the glamorized “boy meets girl” fantasy? Perhaps society is unacquainted with good times spent on the dance floor of a club or in the flashing lights of a cosmic bowling alley. Quite a few girls seem to be unaware of the experiences involving the absence of a boyfriend, not comprehending the benefits involved. A girl cannot enjoy a relationship if she is unable to enjoy life being single, first.

Furthermore, my friends seem to have trapped themselves in poor relationships by an irrational fear of change. Staying with the same miserly and selfish boyfriends for months on end, they have grown used to their partners’ disparaging comments and disrespect. Statements on the lines of “You’re fat,” or “You’re stupid” become acceptable in the girls’ eyes, soon to be regarded upon as the truth. It baffles me how people become so tolerant, listening to the rude abusive remarks from boyfriends who claim to love them. These relationships appear to be pointless and unhealthy, lacking any mutual love or respect of any kind. High school is the time to meet different people and enjoy life while growing as a person at the same time. Relationships are not meant to be barriers of personal growth and self-discovery, nor hinder one from enjoying herself.

It will never cease to baffle me why so many of my friends tear themselves apart on the inside by enduring harmful, worthless relationships. It is logical to believe that if one is unable to love and respect herself, she will consequently be unable to receive respect from any significant other. Perhaps after discovering this knowledge, my friends will “wear the pants” in their relationships, earning themselves the respect and love they deserve. If not, change is the best option, allowing the girls to grow and learn from their experiences. Hopefully, people I know will eventually stop confusing me by refraining from selling themselves short.

Well well well … look what Brad (my now ex) wrote to my friend Ashley after semi:

ou have no clue how much i wish you were here right now … i think you’re so hot, and i want you so badly … mmmm … and they way you felt against me when we hugged that night … omgosh, it made me want to sneak off with you somewhere …

I can’t believe I didn’t listen to Justin when he said he didn’t like the guy … now I know why. Thank god he told me about all this, or else I would’ve just kept living Brad’s little game. I feel so … used. And depressed. I felt like my heart had torn out of me when Ashley IMed that to me How could he do this to me? And I have a feeling that after this weekend I’ll be going out with Justin again …