Aw … I got to see Brad today … and grr I miss being with him. It felt like a reunion just going to his house and talking with his mom and sitting in his lap at the computer listening to all his new favorite songs *sigh* Then he gave me some wild rice and chicken soup from KSB (he said it’s awesome) for me to take back to school, which was sweet. Then before he went to Jai’s, he walked me to my car, and he gave me a hug, then I looked up at him (oh I love looking up at guys, Brian’s so short) … and him down at me, and we kissed, and he was like “do you miss that?” I said “yeah” and he was like “good, me too.” So aww.

I feel bad ’cause we’re both with other people … but I can’t help still liking him. And he still likes/loves me … as much as I’ve told myself to get over him and not hang out with him … I can’t. It’s too hard to just walk away from everything we had. I was also reading over the poems he wrote me awhile ago … and I almost started crying, they were so sweet, I didn’t know it was possible for him to feel that way *sigh* But if what he says is true — that we will be together in the end — that’s all that matters. ‘Cause somehow I believe it too, even if it seems inconceivably far away.

Okay I’m getting really tired of this. It’s been like 6 frickin’ months, and Brian still doesn’t love me. This is the longest I’ve been in a relationship without breaking up or getting in a big fight — but how am I supposed to be reassured that he really cares and wants to be with me for awhile if he won’t say the three magic words? I mean, he’s definitely acted like he does … but I need to hear it, dammit.

And then today I sent him a survey, in which one of the questions was “who do you love?” I, of course, put his name, but then he puts, “I *love* everyone.” WTF is up with that? *sigh* Even Brad would put me now. When he already has a girlfriend. Or something. I’m trying not to be selfish … but come on. All my other boyfriends have said it in like a month, max. And now this … is this normal? *cries* And of course none of my good guy friends are on for me to talk to … It’s like the song … “will you still love (or like in Brian’s case) me tomorrow?”