I failed my portfolio review and I don’t have the slightest idea why — as soon as I got the email I started crying in surprise/shock/disbelief. If my work wasn’t good enough, I should have felt that and expected this outcome, right? If I suck so much, why do I have a job as a design assistant and why do people want me to freelance for them? I got an A in every one of the 3 classes (computer graphics, typography, and methodology) and no one had ever told me that I needed to “step it up” or “work a little harder.” I followed the directions for the review: included every graphic made in those classes (printed them all out, cropped them, and placed them in the nice portfolio case my grandpa gave me for Christmas) and turned it in the week before spring break. Yeah a couple weren’t examples of my best work, but what graphics student is proud of everything they’ve done? I emailed Dawn (the person in charge of the whole thing who told me not to worry because most people pass) about what happened in hopes of finding out what I did wrong. The rejection email has turned my ordinary Monday into a pitfall of tears and fears and confusion, and if you don’t know what I’m talking about, not passing means the following:

• I’ll no longer be able to graduate in 4 years
• my dad will have to pay a hell of a lot more money
• with 2 required classes left, I’ll only be a part-time student in the fall
• I’ll have to take the review again next semester, and if I don’t make it, that’s it: I can’t get a design degree

So yeah, I’ve been upset for a good couple hours. I’ve calmed down a little, but only because I have yet to hear back from Dawn … I keep wishing the portfolio judges made a mistake or the rejection email got sent by accident or they lost my portfolio … I don’t care what she says as long as the above doesn’t come true because, frankly, I deserve it. If all the work and hours and stress and money spent to pursue and succeed in design has been in vain, I don’t know what I’m gonna do … I don’t even want to think about it …