There have been two art-related secrets in the past two hansonsecrets and ljsecret posts … and I’m hoping more will be posted ’cause they couldn’t be more closer to how I feel everyday:

secret #1 (hansonsecret): I respect Hanson more than most people. They are doing what they love. They fought for it, and are now doing it ON THEIR OWN. Me, I’m afraid of what will happen after I graduate college with a BFA in art!

secret #2 (ljsecret): I hate that everyone else has their own style. I wish I could figure mine out. My artwork is so boring.

To those outside of art who see my work, they think it’s the greatest thing ever and say I’m crazy to think it’s mediocre. But to those trying to get a degree in it … I’ve felt like I suck ever since I started college. In high school I was one of the best but now I’m just another random face and piece of paper hung up for anyone who happens to pass by to glance over. No matter what I do, I never feel like I’m good enough and keep wondering if maybe I should’ve majored in something else, even though the only thing I’m kind of good at is making graphics (I don’t like drawing (used to), painting, animation, metal, ceramics, weaving, sculpture, etc.) … *sigh* It’s not my “dream” to make art like my Foundations professor keeps mentioning … yeah I like a couple specific areas of it but I don’t know what my dream is or how to figure it out. I wish I had something that set me apart or at least the knowledge that I’m not doing all of this only to fail.

This isn’t a good sign. It’s only the second week of the semester and 3D Design already has me staying up until 3 am (stupid prototypes). Should’ve gone back to school on Sunday, but oh well. As of now I’ve completed 24 of the 25, and the last one is dealing with straight pins and I can’t for the life of me think of something that doesn’t suck, so I’m hoping in the morning I’ll be hit with some sort of inspiration that’s easy to put together. Yeah … tomorrow I get to do this all over again with clay.

Not only did it randomly snow for an hour tonight (after a week of warm weather), but it’s been really windy and the power just flickered on and off like 7 times because of it. It even blew my car around on the highway a little bit earlier

I also installed a new plugin that detects the browser and operating system of commenters — it’s cool! See my latest comments for an example.

Stupid seller on eBay gave me my first negative feedback (which can’t be retracted) — all because he didn’t want to be proved wrong. I bid on a CD that he said was from the US, but when I got it, it clearly said “made in the EU.” I asked him about this and even offered to take a picture to show him (since it was in the fine print and maybe he’d missed it), but no — he doesn’t reply for two weeks (during which I get impatient and give him neutral, not negative, feedback) and then almost two weeks after that, gives me fuckin’ negative feedback like it was my fault. WTF?

I can’t sleep (takes me 2 or more hours to fall asleep each night), can’t eat (not as hungry for some reason), only like 1 of my classes, and just generally, continuously feel blah … wtf is going on.

And this is stupid.

My phone just beeped to tell me I’d gotten a text message, but when I open it, what do I find? A frickin’ Cingular (my provider) ad for some 200-text-messages-for-$4.99 plan. What the hell? I send like 3 messages a month, so obviously that didn’t trigger anything … I hope “phone spam” isn’t the new way to annoy people.

I know I haven’t updated in forever, sue me … I’ve spent the last few days working on my brand spankin’ new Coppermine gallery! Simple PHP Gallery’s site has been deactivated and I was tired of adding folders and descriptions in a text editor, so I said screw it and started over. Getting Coppermine to work has been awesome ’cause I’ve failed more than once in the past ’cause I had no idea what GD or ImageMagick was … but now everything’s peachy All I have left to do is put the pictures in the order they were taken (no small feat since I just had to rename everything ) and try to get the EXIF data for a certain batch that won’t give it to me.

2 more days ’til school starts …