I was really tempted to kill myself tonight … the shoulders of the highway and the gas tank in front of me looked like really relaxing places to end up. But then I figured too many people would care, so I didn’t. Then I got home, gained like 3 pounds from eating half a pint of strawberry ice cream, felt like crap, went online, got ready for bed, tried to go to sleep, but couldn’t, so now I’m here again. And I’m pissed at Brian. I think he’s using me. Today at Dupont Circle all he could talk about were how the gay guys were hitting on him, and how they put out more than me. At home he just ignored me and went on and on about how this car was so cool and how he wished he had disposable income. I was just like omg, get the fuck over yourself … I don’t neglect you like this when you’re at my house. Then he goes and tortures me by tickling me and untying my shoes and all this stuff that he knows I hate, but does it anyway even after I tell him to stop, but finally he gets the hint, but I’m not as affecionate to him afterwards as I would have been had he not gotten on my nerves. Again. I’m so looking forward to Madison, where there are guys my age, who don’t act like they’re so superior 24/7, actually like the music I do, etc. etc. Last night after X-Men was the last straw, too. All his geeky 30 and 40-year-old friends were standing around spazzing about the movie, and I was standing there cold, annoyed, and tired, and wanting to get home. I asked him if we were leaving soon, but he was like no. Flat out, and smiled like I should know better than to even ask. Then he asked one of his friends if they knew a medical internship for me, and instead of addressing me by my name, he uses “some of us,” points to me, embarrasses me when his friend finds out I’m still in high school, and then I feel stupid when she treats me like a 2-year-old, saying all gently how I need to be friendly, enthusiastic, etc. Hello, I know. I’m not fuckin’ 14 anymore. Treat me like the adult I would be if Brian wasn’t there to stifle my every move since I’m not as smart as him. Since I didn’t get a 1400 on the SAT *sigh* Whatever. I’m tired of bitching about him, even though I can’t sleep, but who cares. Watch me pull an all-nighter.

LOL:

Okay, more to add to my to-do list: get together portfolio for Anilogic, send Grandma a card (76), finish thesis, and get riding stuff from home. And why are my allergies really apparent this year? It hasn’t been a problem since I was like 5 … blah. Ever since waking up today I’ve been sneezing and feeling dizzy … it sucks. Specially since it’s been happening since Monday. Maybe I’ll go to the infirm later if it doesn’t go away. And it’s funny, I’m in yearbook right now and I don’t think Ms. D knows I’m here … I’m hiding behind a big comp, lol. Anyway, gonna go do more net stuff now, so adios.