Yay now there’s actually some sort of an agenda for NY. Awesome. Gonna be a good trip.

Umm today … was interesting. Got up around 10, went to the gym around 12 (with my own key!), went with Brian to the diner (I got a turkey club), his office (we played ping-pong and got free coke), Galyan’s (go rock-climbing), Kohl’s (he got jeans), his house (we watched the first Back To The Future movie), Blockbuster (for Pretty Woman), Giant (we got pizza materials and food), his house again (dinner and a movie), and then he drove me home. And now I’m here online even though I should be in bed ’cause I gotta drive him to work tomorrow (his car’ll be in the shop). But I’m not too worried — I’ve had 4 am nights and been fine at 7, lol *shrugs* Blah I’m so full from dinner … but oh well. Grr and Brad wants me to read some paper of his … so adios. Talk to everyone later.

Brian so doesn’t deserve me … what does he see in me? *cries* I’m so incompetent, always screw something up, etc. I feel so inferior compared to what he knows, has done, has taught me .. *sigh* … especially when he talks about his first girlfriend and how everything was so “perfect” with them, and how if he hadn’t been a dick, they’d probably still be together *cries* I don’t know about you, but that fuckin’ hurts. How can he make such a big deal about saying he loves me, then keep mentioning her and how it was so great? I wanna crawl into a hole and die … I wish he’d just tell me what he really thinks of me … then I can get out of his life, like he wants, and be done with it. Of course I’d cry like none other since I actually DO love him and it’d kill me if this ended, get all depressed and anti-social in the progress, but who cares. No one. I HATE THIS FUCKIN’ MIND SHIT … just go away. Go away and leave me alone so I can enjoy something for once *cries* WTF is wrong with me …