Why does it hurt so fuckin’ much when Brad talks about Neusha? *sigh* WTF is wrong with me? I have a boyfriend … even if he’s not “the one” or whatever … at least I don’t think so … *cries*

Yay, so my Dad went to the 9:30 Club last night and got Sugarcult tickets. Awesome … can’t wait for the concert. You can even take the Metro there.

Anyway … I woke up today at like 11:30, and for once I’m not tired since no one was around to bug me or call or make noise haha … waking up on my own rocks, ’cause it only happens like one day a week But oh well. So that was cool.

Umm … what else … today is Isaac’s 22nd birthday, but that’s about all. So adios ’til later.

I hate guys! They’re all the fuckin’ same, all there care about is sex. Yeah, they say they don’t, but then why is their main objective every time I see them to get me in bed? I’m so pissed. Brad did this, and now Brian is. Sunny and Justin both did a little, too. WTF? Why can’t I find a decent guy who thinks with his head more than his dick? I mean geez — Leslie/David and Kristen/Sam have been together for like 2 years now, and they still haven’t done it. I’d give anything for a guy who is okay with that, and doesn’t bug/tease me everyday about it.

God, sometimes I just want to slap Brian. He doesn’t seem to understand “no” unless I like scream it in his face. And he’s so possessive. Brad pointed out that he never calls me by my name — it’s either “babe” or “my girlfriend” or something. I hadn’t noticed it, but he’s definitely right. Besides, he never did that — he actually acknowledged that I was more than just someone of the opposite gender by his side. Hell, even with all the shit he did to me, for some reason I’m attracted to him more than Brian. And though Brian’s done less shit, there’s just something about the way he acts that pisses me off. He brags about everything (sorry for disregarding that, Shaune) and can’t ever admit that he’s wrong. It’s like unless he’s proven wrong with official scientific fact or something, the other person’s opinion doesn’t matter. He also wants to see me too goddamn much. Like every consecutive fuckin’ day I’m home. Sorry, I don’t know about you, but I have other friends and things I gotta do that don’t involve you. So fuck off and stop thinking I’m cheating on you. God, I so want to break up with him … but I don’t really have any grounds to, unless I want to tear him apart completely. I mean, besides all the crap above, he’s a sweet guy … just not the guy for me. I can feel it. I just really want a break from guys in general. They’re stupid, annoying, and ungrateful.

Anyway, I’m off to bed. I need rest to get through my last week of school before Thanksgiving break. And also to do some more of my stupid architecture project tomorrow that I’m not gonna finish anyway. Ooh, but I might get to see Brad. That’d be nice … maybe

You know, MatchMaker hasn’t really done me any good. It’s definitely brought more pain to my life than I’d have liked … though meeting Brad on there was a good thing. Sort of. I just can’t forget all the shit he put me through: semi-formal (Ashley and that email), calling Jen, forgetting anniversaries/Valentine’s Day, not telling me stuff, being busy 24/7, into sex a lot, etc. *cries* Fuck me.

Okay good … Diaryland still works. Now I’m off to join some new rings and take some new surveys … ’cause they rock. Either that or I’m going to bed … today’s been … half good, half bad. School and the movie were alright … afterwards sucked. And I have a feeling tomorrow will too. Why are all of Brian’s friends so obnoxious, and act like they hate me and never even LOOK at me when I’m right there? *sigh* There is no way this can last. I think I’m starting to hate guys in general … Brad too, even though we’re supposed to get back together eventually. Fuck. Maybe I just need a break. A much-deserved break.

Why is my horoscope always right:

There is much on your mind today, dear Cancer. Over the last three weeks you have analyzed your relationships on a deep and profound level. New people, with attractive new qualities, may be tempting you to make a change. But is this a good time in your life to start up new friendships or love relationships? Are you willing to accept the upheaval such a change would create? These are worthwhile questions to ask yourself.

K … so I was talking to Brad last night, and at first he doesn’t talk much ’cause Neusha’s friend is in the hospital and needs a heart transplant. Which sucks. I don’t know what I’d do if that happened to me … but probably the same … crying to whoever would listen … aka my boyfriend. So yeah, he was all like comforting her and stuff. Which is good.

But when she gets off (or something), he starts talking to me more, and we do our little update thing (Jenni’s moving out … which I think is cool) … and I told him about my moving ordeal. He was like, woah, then goes into this whole thing about not liking Brian. Which I expected. No one likes him except my family. He was like, “I was so about ready to punch him … him referring to you as ‘my girlfriend’ instead of ‘Claire’ was pissing me off.” Then he’s like, “would you have gotten mad if I’d decked him and gotten you outta there?” LOL, I was like no, but I’d feel really bad.

And aww, at one point I commented that I was cold, and he said he was also, and that he wished he could hold me. I’m like yeah, that’d be really nice … so apparently (if he even remembers), the next time his parents are out of town we’re having a long night by the fire … with cuddling and stuff. Aw. I can’t wait, haha … that’s like, my number one favorite thing to do in the winter. But knowing him, something will go screwy, I’ll get paranoid, etc. … ’cause that’s what always happens. But then again, ya never know. Damn, I wish it was Thanksgiving break. I need to figure stuff out … but Brad was like no, just keep it as it is right now … everyone’s stressed out enough already. And that couldn’t be more true.

Oh yeah, and why the hell does he remember his anniversary with her, but not me? Bitch … next time he gets on I’m gonna ask. And why don’t the fuckin’ stupid past entries update with the rest of the page? It did that before! Okay, now I’m pissed. WTF happened to this place?

So Blogger didn’t pick me … oh well. I think my graphics were too pretty and intricate and detailed for them. Blah. That would’ve been cool if they’d at least accept me … but I guess I still have stuff to learn.

And I feel sick … like I’m kinda dizzy, hot (from standing in front of the fire), tired (from work), and my stomach isn’t happy (from Ms. Heide’s dip) … I knew I shouldn’t have had any … I mean, I didn’t even have that much (like 5 chips), but I still don’t feel good. Plus it’s that time of the month, which makes things twice as worse. Grr.

Well, I’m almost done with the basement floor of my floor plan, and I’m not doing anymore. It’s just ridiculous for Mr. Coven to expect us to be able to do a 3-floor plan in 3 days. There just isn’t time. So screw him. If I get a bad grade, I’ll just tell him I did as much as I could, but I don’t wanna get sick or whatever staying up all night drawing for hours. And I think I cut my hand again on the damn metal tracer thing. It’s like paper-thin, and I always cut myself on it. It sucks. That thing’s like dangerous, and I don’t even use it … I guess it’s trying to attack me.

I don’t get what the big deal about ER is here. Everyone’s obsessing over it, and every episode is just a bunch of drama that doesn’t even happen in real life. I dunno … I mean, Friends is cool ’cause it’s funny, but ER isn’t … and the people on it are annoying. The only good thing about it is that Ms. Heide makes food (usually popcorn) and makes a fire … but besides that, I’m like, eh. Whatever.

Well, I’m so glad tomorrow’s Friday. Dunno about whether I’m bringing my architecture stuff home. If Mr. Coven gives us a frickin’ break, I won’t, but if he wants to be a dick, I will. And Erica’s lucky, she gets an extension ’cause of her arm. I wish mine was hurt too … haha, not really, but you know.

I feel like doing a survey, so I’m gonna go and find one … or try to. So adios. I hate feeling like shit … maybe I’ll go to sleep soon. That’d be nice. But probably not … ’cause then people get on and we talk forever. Yeah. I’m out.