Today was okay. Went to the pool for a few hours with Shaune and got sunburned … the water felt good, though. LOL, and we ran into Louie as we were getting into the car … kinda random and funny … oh well. Ross and I had a dentist appointment at 4, so went to that after swimming. After that I had something to eat here and now I’m online. Have to go pick up Dad soon, too. Fun, huh? *sigh* I also did another survey and sent that to all the usual survey people. Man, it feels so weird to not have a boyfriend … especially since I’d been with Brad for over a year … *sigh again* it sucks. Wonder if Dad’ll ever notice that my frequent trips to Brad’s have stopped …

Okay, so I come back from Fair Oaks and my life suddenly sucks *cries* Brad and I are apparently over. For good. He even said that recently, before today, he thought of me as a close friend more than a girlfriend. Fuck, I can’t believe this is happening. So all the times we talked about being together forever/getting married didn’t mean anything? And what about Tech weekend, which was so great? And what about the last time we hung out like a week ago … god, we were fooling around like nothing was wrong … and now he’s like, Claire, I’m really sorry, but I’m gonna be really busy for the next month or two, and I’m already worried that I’m neglecting you … but whatever happens, I still wanna be your close friend, no matter what kind of relationship we have *sigh* Everyone says I deserve better … but no one knows him like I do … and it sucks when you’ve been in love with someone for over a year, and they suddenly turn around and end it like nothing ever mattered *sigh* I’m gonna go cry now …

Oh man! Tonight was definitely cool. At about 8:45 Shaune calls me up and is like hey, wanna come chill around Claredon with me? I’m like sure, and then at like 9:15, she gets here and we go. But little did I know, hehe — we end up walking all the way to Georgetown, which is like 4 or 5 miles away! Haha, I couldn’t believe it, but it was awesome. We went and got coffee at Starbucks, and also decided to get everyone together and go clubbing for my birthday — one thing I can’t wait to do The only bad thing was that I got some bad blisters (I was wearing flip flops, which I guess weren’t totally broken in) … but oh well, they should heal in a few days. Until then, I’ll just have to go barefoot or wear tennis shoes. Which kinda sucks, but I can deal.

Too bad I probably won’t see Grandma for awhile … she went to bed at like 10 (and I got back a little before midnight), and she leaves tomorrow at like 6 am, lol … but yeah. I’ll talk to her sooner or later.

Ooh, and yay! The awesome Uncle Kracker song that I can’t find on Kazaa is playing again on Promosquad *sings along* Hehe. But yeah … well I’m gonna head to bed now, but I’ll keep everyone posted … somehow … about my crazy life Adios!

P.S. Also, the Photoshop 6 CD turned out to not work … stupid registration code. Grr. Emily, you need to live across the street from me lol.

Don’t feel like writing a long-ass thing tonight, so I’m just gonna summarize.

Job interview turned out to not be happening, so filled out some papers instead and was informed that they’d do phone interviews later. Got socks at JCPenney and underwear and a tank top at Gap. Came home, went online. Got dressed for dinner and went to that (really good … omg). Came back after that, watched The Waterboy (hehe), then got ready for bed, and now I’m here. Whoop de doo, huh? Oh well. And I talked to Brad (wow) online for like a minute today, but then he signed off without saying anything, so I was just like fine, whatever bitch. God, I’m so SICK of that *sigh* But enough of me complaining, it’s his loss … I’ve decided to stop calling him and initiating everything — he needs to freakin’ realize again that this is not a one-sided thing. Besides, I gave him a big hint in the survey I just filled out, so yeah. Anyway, well I’m gonna go to bed now, so talk to everyone later. Adios.

Woah, double score. This awesome girl Emily said that she might be able to get me a copy of Photoshop 6 — yay! If so, I’m gonna be in computer heaven, lol. The only downside is that I won’t be able to stay up too late ’cause of Grandma being here for a few days, but oh well. It’s all good.

Oh yeah, and guess what? I finally found the actual song that I’ve had in my AIM profile forever! It’s called “Heartsick” by My Ruin, it’s goth, and I love it (it’s also what the title bar lyrics and splash design are based on). It definitely describes me, too. I’m making both myself and Shaune a CD with it, lol. Speaking of which, I gotta download songs for that …

So … how do you like the semi-new layout? I made the Saliva pic awhile ago, but was too lazy to transfer it from my laptop to my PC until now, lol. Oh crap, dinnertime — be back later!

Haha, I’m in such a good mood right now. Erica sent me the funniest survey and posted random crazy things in my WNC guestbook, people posted Photoshop tutorials just for me (aww) on Silenced Lies, my room looks cooler now without the overhead light covering that I accidentally broke tonight, Big Daddy (one of my favorite movies) was on tonight so I got to see that (Dad liked it too), and yeah … I dunno, I’m just happy now, and it feels good. ‘Cause I haven’t been for the past few days *shrugs* Ooh, and Grandma’s coming tomorrow — yay. I know Shaune will want to come over, she loves her lol.

Aunt Ann came today, and one of her toes was purple/black. I was like, dude, go see a doctor, but she’s like no, all they’re gonna tell me is that it’s broken, and that would be a waste of $100. Haha. I guess she’s right … but still, if it hurts, they gotta do something, right? *shrugs* Well, what do I know, I’m no doctor. Oh yeah, and mental note: never volunteer to drive to the airport. It’s so fuckin’ crazy and complicated and annoying to get there, especially in the big old van with no stability. Geez.

Fuck, and I feel sick. I just ate half a pint of chocolate ice cream, half a bag of Tostitos and salsa, and finished this bottle of raspberry seltzer water *wants to puke* Man, tomorrow I am not eating anything, haha — only if I’m really hungry. ‘Cause otherwise I’ll just feel sick again. And no, I’m not anorexic, etc.

I hate sunburn. Especially when you feel all gross and salty (like, you can rub salt off your skin) after a 20-mile bike ride *sigh* Yeah, I went with Shaune and Willi to Oldtown today … and though getting there was fine, I had no energy coming back, and felt like crap ’cause I was always like 50 feet behind them. I haven’t biked in forever, either, so I guess that was why. But neither had Shaune … damn, Willi was good, though. She didn’t stop to walk up any of the hills, even the huge ones that I couldn’t see how anyone could master.

Oh well … and Brad is being distant again. I need somebody to physically restrain me from calling him … and make him figure out that he needs to call me first. ‘Cause that doesn’t really happen anymore. And when he was over yesterday, he was like, yeah I gotta leave your room, all your autographs by people I’ve never heard of are scaring me. Um, right. Whatever. Of course, like I always do, I let it pass ’cause just being with him is enough of a triumph *sigh again* Why can’t I get this shit worked out?

And get this: Shaune told me that Louie really likes me (great, just what I need) and that he asked her if she wanted to break Brad and I up. WTF? He acts all sensitive and caring towards me when I bitch to him about Brad stuff, but then goes and wants my friend to be his personal help line? Um, no. I’ve actually cut down my time talking to him … ’cause I don’t want anything to get more messed up than it already is. Fuck, and I need to get my dad something for Father’s Day … tomorrow *bangs head against monitor* I can’t believe I forgot to get something while I was at Tysons.

Umm … let’s see what else is happening in my screwy life. I still don’t have a job. Found out my new girl next year is this girl Shannon in Ashburn. Gotta ask Jai if he knows her. Gotta email her, too. Speaking of Jai, he’s nice online. Like, he actually talked to me last night, cared that I wasn’t feeling too great, and writes more than 3 words at a time. Unlike some people *coughBradcough* … and I heard the perfect song to describe me on Promosquad today called “Better When You’re Not There” … but of course I can’t find it on Kazaa. Stupid incredibly awesome unknown song.

Oh, and score! I heard this cool techno song last night in Brad’s car, and I just found it online … without knowing the group or the name of the song — hehe, lucky guess, I guess.

*counts* 20 days ’til my birthday … which is gonna suck ’cause there’s nothing interesting to do except see fireworks the night before, and Brad will be away ’til the 14th or something. Stupid Philmont … of course my birthday is right smack dab in the middle of it. And man, if Brad doesn’t get me anything again (like he did last year) — I am so ending it. That would just be the last straw. And it’s my 18th, for crying out loud. If that doesn’t clue him in, hell, nothing will.