Well, Brad’s back, and I’ve talked to him a little. Things seem (emphasis on seem) better, but who knows … in the survey he sent me, there was a question about who he thought his hottest friends were, and he said me and Neusha … man, I really gotta meet this girl — he keeps talking about her *sigh* Oh well … maybe I shouldn’t be so paranoid, I mean, she IS just a friend (right?).

We also had a really annoying college meeting today. It was supposed to end at 3:45, but no, it went ’til 4:30 — and all we did was read college essays. OMG, everytime he started a new one I was like, omg, hurry the fuck up. We already turned our essays in, so why waste time now discussing what we should talk about in them? So I was pissed about that. And then with like 30 minutes ’til dinner, I decide to call Dad and Brad. Little did I know that, for the first time EVER, we’re not going on ANY vacations this summer — when we usually go on at least one. Hell, last year we went on like 20. I’m not protesting, it’s just gonna be weird spending my 18th birthday at home — maybe I’ll have a party, but knowing my dad, it’s not gonna be a very fun one, if you know what I mean. I gotta start thinking about what I should do … and then I was thinking about calling Brad, and finally was like, why the hell not — I have 10 minutes left ’til dinner starts, haven’t talked to him in 2 days … and wanna see what he’s up to. So yeah, I do that … but we only talk for like 3 minutes. Jai’s over. Again. And again it was me who called. He never does. I gotta start rebelling against that … is he taking advantage of me or what? He was goofy, as usual, which made me laugh … but that soon faded when I started trying to interpret the whole thing *sigh* I don’t even know if I should be doing that or not … I guess I feel the need to observe every small move of his because what happened at semi-formal showed me that I needed to. And even though that was like 6 months ago … and we’ll be celebrating a year in like 10 days … part of me still thinks it’s necessary. Grr. I wish I had someone to tell me what and what not to do relationship-wise … and then I wouldn’t be stuck here, wondering all the time … 24/7 … and the sad part is that it’s true … literally. Brad said he’d try to be on before 11 … and I’m contemplating whether I should stay online and wait, or go and do some homework that I really should do for tomorrow, but know that I can get out of *can’t decide*