Why are the very people I’d rather not have reading this somehow finding the URL?

*sniffles* I think I’m getting sick. Perfect timing for the better weekend with Brad and second round of poetry reading. Maybe I should stop staying up ’til 1 am, ’cause I’ve heard that lack of sleep weakens your immune system or something *sigh* Well, gotta go take a Spanish test now, so I’ll ttyl.

Damn, I need to post in here more. Anyway, right now I’m just chillin’ listening to “Manonam Racecar” and talking to Neil and Jose — my usual nighttime routine, hehe.

I gotta get some more content on here though … I wrote another poem, so that’ll be going up soon. As well as some of my graphic stuff if I ever stop being lazy enough to change them to jpegs. Right now I have about 2 changed, so yeah … gotta work on that so I can send some to Grandma, Grandpa, etc.

What’s good is that Neil’s finally accepted that I’m with Brad and that we’re just friends … the bad part is that he’s constantly depressed, and everytime I make him feel better, it only lasts for that night … the next day it happens all over again *sigh* Hopefully some awesome girl will come along and make his dreams come true again.

And omg, the second cut for the poetry festival is tomorrow! I don’t care what Mrs. Thorndike says, I’m still gonna be nervous when I walk into that room, lol. But yeah … anybody who reads this (if people actually come here, hehe), wish me luck! Think I’m gonna need it …

Guess what? Things with Brad are getting better! He actually wants to do something with me this weekend! LOL … we’re gonna see either “The Mothman Prophecies” or “Ocean’s Eleven” on Saturday night, so yay. Hopefully this increased alone time with him will continue *crosses fingers* … and woah, if it’s not Neil having this huge crazy crush on me, it’s Jose. Geez! He called me today, though, which was cute. Shaune was like, aww! Hehe.

Woah, I just slept for like 3 hours. But I’m glad I did, I needed it after only getting like 4 or 5 hours of sleep last night, lol It sucks though, ’cause Neil’s not on, but oh well. I’m guessing he will be after study hall. Speaking of which, I gotta go to the library for that since I haven’t started any of my chemistry research. Hopefully that won’t take too long, though.

Oh, and guess what? I was playing around with the display settings earlier today, and made my windows have a purplish tint to them, and all the fonts are now Verdana (not Arial). So yay — I think it looks cool.

OMG, and Mrs. Herbert is starting to get on my nerves. She assigned us 60 pages of Huck Finn to read over the weekend, and of course no one checks the assignment sheet to see if we had any reading (’cause usually she’d give us more time), but no. So then Erica informs me that we have ’til tomorrow to read 6 chapters, and we’re both like, fun *sigh* But yeah, g2g get ready for study hall now, but I’ll post later. Bye!

*sigh* Well, I saw Brad today (finally). But I know if I hadn’t called him I would’ve been stuck at home all night … what kind of boyfriend does that? Won’t call you, and when his girlfriend does, drags her to some game place with his friends, one of whom makes fun of her? Grr … I know this is crazy, but Neil is looking like 100 times better than Brad right now. I don’t know about him anymore. Half of me says to forget about it, but the other half wants to grab him by the shoulders and ask him a million questions *sigh* And seeing how he’s like never online, that will be a hard thing to do …

I got to see Da Vinci’s tonight! It was SO awesome, Shaune even said that it was their best concert yet that she’s seen, and I definitely agree, hehe. They played like 3 new songs, which of course were great, and then afterwards we got coffee and drove around for awhile (I got to try out and drive Biblio!), and then we headed home So yeah, tonight was actually fun for once, lol. And know what’s crazy? I might get to see Brad tomorrow … after like 2 weeks of not. Watch it like not happen (again), but *sigh* … at least I’ll have Neil to cheer me up if I don’t. And speaking of Neil, it’s crazy … like he LOVES me now. As in the way that Brad does (or did … ). I’m just like woah. I mean, it’s really sweet and cute, and he’s a really nice guy, but sometimes it’s like, okay, don’t like me that much yet And wow, Shaune sent me this really good essay thing about relationships:

It is reasonable to say that the teenage years are simply confusing times. I myself am thoroughly mystified by a variety of people, actions, places, or situations ranging from physics to learning the waltz. I am horribly confused, though, as to why many adolescent girls find it necessary to endure gratuitous mistreatment from their relationships. During extensive phone conversations and slumber parties, I have listened to many depressing stories pertaining to my friends’ “dating bliss.” It seems that the girls’ significant others have proven themselves to be unworthy of my friends’ affection, much less that of anyone else. Pals of mine have been cheated on repeatedly, ignored, stood up, belittled, and insulted by their boyfriends. If that is not enough, the “gentlemen” have accepted extraordinary gifts from my friends such as stereos, video games and taxi rides while they are unable to return the favor with something as small as a date.

It is certain that a predominant cause to these girls’ gluttony for punishment is the absence of their self-esteems. Being strikingly smart, talented, and attractive, it seems absurd how my friends have the notion that they cannot go out with anyone better than those who they are already dating. Perhaps they believe it is their duty to spoil their boyfriends in order to keep them by means of paying for dinner and movie tickets, driving to their houses for visits, and buying presents for them on random occasions. These girls, however, are the ones who deserve to be taken on dates, presented with gifts, and treated properly. It is evident that someone must be satisfied with whom she is in order to be able to deal with the challenges and personal needs in a relationship.

It is likely that many hopeless relationships continue to endure due to one party’s fear of being alone. Many people would rather have a significant other than be alone, believing a blatant myth stating “single” translates to “unhappy.” Societal pressures from the media urge teenagers to be with someone in order to be cool. What is “cool,” anyhow? What’s more, does life exist outside of the glamorized “boy meets girl” fantasy? Perhaps society is unacquainted with good times spent on the dance floor of a club or in the flashing lights of a cosmic bowling alley. Quite a few girls seem to be unaware of the experiences involving the absence of a boyfriend, not comprehending the benefits involved. A girl cannot enjoy a relationship if she is unable to enjoy life being single, first.

Furthermore, my friends seem to have trapped themselves in poor relationships by an irrational fear of change. Staying with the same miserly and selfish boyfriends for months on end, they have grown used to their partners’ disparaging comments and disrespect. Statements on the lines of “You’re fat,” or “You’re stupid” become acceptable in the girls’ eyes, soon to be regarded upon as the truth. It baffles me how people become so tolerant, listening to the rude abusive remarks from boyfriends who claim to love them. These relationships appear to be pointless and unhealthy, lacking any mutual love or respect of any kind. High school is the time to meet different people and enjoy life while growing as a person at the same time. Relationships are not meant to be barriers of personal growth and self-discovery, nor hinder one from enjoying herself.

It will never cease to baffle me why so many of my friends tear themselves apart on the inside by enduring harmful, worthless relationships. It is logical to believe that if one is unable to love and respect herself, she will consequently be unable to receive respect from any significant other. Perhaps after discovering this knowledge, my friends will “wear the pants” in their relationships, earning themselves the respect and love they deserve. If not, change is the best option, allowing the girls to grow and learn from their experiences. Hopefully, people I know will eventually stop confusing me by refraining from selling themselves short.