Score. Chemistry paper isn’t due ’til Wednesday. The homework gods love me! LOL. But anyway, now I just gotta make sure I balance everything else so I’ll have time to actually do it. What’s with us needing to have 5 sources? Geez … oh well, at least my topic is broad enough so that it’s not too bad of a problem. I’ll probably be citing something every other sentence though. Oh well …

Saw Dad/Ross in Middleburg today. Ate lunch at the Magpie Cafe — it’s good! I got a grilled ham and cheese sandwich. Yum. Ross said he didn’t like The Lord of the Rings. WTF? That’s like, not humanly possible haha Homework-wise, I did my hervruta, read half of the Awakening reading, and did some crap for chemistry.

Grr … I miss Brad. Yeah, it’s only been a week, but still. I wish I could hug him right now … and kiss him … just be with him *sigh* This is what I hate about boarding school. I know it’s 19 days ’til spring break, which will hopefully be better and I’ll get to see him a lot … but then again, I have to visit colleges. And maybe if Brad’s spring break is then also, I could convince my dad to let him come visit with us. That would rock. But, of course, watch that not happen *sigh* I feel empty … like something’s missing. Don’t know what, but want it to go away. Don’t want to be depressed, but don’t know how else to deal with it. I want to die, but also want to prove to myself that I can overcome this. Don’t know why I’m getting all deep now, but screw that. I want someone to write me a 3-page email. Like, 3 Microsoft Word pages. Namely Brad *sigh* Is always talking online and not on the phone a bad thing? Part of me says yeah, part of me says no. Ah geez … I wish he was here with me. Why do I think so much? I need to stop being paranoid. Am I even that? I dunno. Stuff is just weird now. Everytime I go crying to Brad about what I’m feeling, etc., he makes me feel happy again, then the next day it’s all back to depression. I don’t know why, but nothing is convincing anymore. Maybe it is. I don’t know. I guess that’s bad, but … just … *sigh* I wish I was in his arms … and he’d be stroking my hair … giving me little kisses … and I could tell how much he cares. But no … everything’s dark and cold and lonely now. It seems to always be. Why must all this hurt be followed by only a few hours of bliss? Is that right? Shouldn’t it be the other way around?