Woah x 3. LOL. Well, things are definitely okay with Brad now! Look at what he wrote in this survey I sent him:

8. What are your plans for the weekend?
Well, saturday claire and i are gonna hang out … maybe go see a movie or get dinner

13. Are you in love with anyone now and they have no idea?
In love, and they know it

28. Perfect wedding song?
“And nothing else matters” by Mettalica

29. Do you have a boy/girl friend?
Yeap!

30. A crush?
Only my G/f

53. If you were going to have sex with anyone, right now, who would it be?
Definately Claire. I’m totally in love with her (<3 babe)

So yeah. I think my fears of him not loving me and stuff have been quieted for awhile. The last question, even though he added it in, made me go aww, hehe. But guess what he suggested for Saturday when we spend practically the whole day with each other? That we take a shower together (!). At first I was like um woah … but after thinking about it for awhile, it doesn’t seem that bad. I mean, it’s not like he hasn’t seen me like that … and he’s doing it ’cause he loves me … so it’s okay. And he knows that I’m kinda nervous about it ’cause I haven’t done it before, so hopefully it’ll go pretty slow. I’ll let you know what happens.

Oh, and guess what? My plates came yesterday! I’m so putting them on tomorrow night when I get home, hehe. Plus, Dad said that something from poetry.com (where I submitted a poem) came in the mail, with a window showing my poem. He said it was really good, but I dunno why it came and why they sent it, lol. Guess I’ll find out tomorow night too! Know what else is cool? I finished my English paper last night — a whole day before it’s due. Go me! Haha. I gotta work on that happening for more assignments.

*sigh* Today was not good. I don’t know why, but I’m getting so sick of this place. Didn’t use my sleep-in, used up my free period with algebra instead of English, barely had enough time to finish my algebra test corrections … got a C on the chemistry test that I thought I did really well on, have a day to do my whole chemistry paper, almost started crying during my riding lesson ’cause I was screwing up so much and was stressed ’cause of everything else.

Also, Stacy Allison made a really good point during her speech. Her whole talk was good, actually. But yeah … she said that we need to tell the people in our lives that we love them … we can’t always assume that, because it’s something that needs to be heard, and we never know when our time is up. Another thing that got me was that right before her climb she went through a really hard divorce — and with her still being able to go and do that, with the image of him in the back of her mind … I just, I know I wouldn’t be able to do that. Me being all emotional and stuff.

I can’t believe I have to write my whole chemistry paper tomorrow. That’s gonna be hell. I don’t have enough time to start it now (though I would if I could stay up) … so yeah, that leaves tomorrow. And just my luck that chemistry is the first class of the day. Guess I can’t use my free periods to put any finishing touches on it … oh well. “My December” by Linkin Park is my song right now.

Score. Chemistry paper isn’t due ’til Wednesday. The homework gods love me! LOL. But anyway, now I just gotta make sure I balance everything else so I’ll have time to actually do it. What’s with us needing to have 5 sources? Geez … oh well, at least my topic is broad enough so that it’s not too bad of a problem. I’ll probably be citing something every other sentence though. Oh well …

Saw Dad/Ross in Middleburg today. Ate lunch at the Magpie Cafe — it’s good! I got a grilled ham and cheese sandwich. Yum. Ross said he didn’t like The Lord of the Rings. WTF? That’s like, not humanly possible haha Homework-wise, I did my hervruta, read half of the Awakening reading, and did some crap for chemistry.

Grr … I miss Brad. Yeah, it’s only been a week, but still. I wish I could hug him right now … and kiss him … just be with him *sigh* This is what I hate about boarding school. I know it’s 19 days ’til spring break, which will hopefully be better and I’ll get to see him a lot … but then again, I have to visit colleges. And maybe if Brad’s spring break is then also, I could convince my dad to let him come visit with us. That would rock. But, of course, watch that not happen *sigh* I feel empty … like something’s missing. Don’t know what, but want it to go away. Don’t want to be depressed, but don’t know how else to deal with it. I want to die, but also want to prove to myself that I can overcome this. Don’t know why I’m getting all deep now, but screw that. I want someone to write me a 3-page email. Like, 3 Microsoft Word pages. Namely Brad *sigh* Is always talking online and not on the phone a bad thing? Part of me says yeah, part of me says no. Ah geez … I wish he was here with me. Why do I think so much? I need to stop being paranoid. Am I even that? I dunno. Stuff is just weird now. Everytime I go crying to Brad about what I’m feeling, etc., he makes me feel happy again, then the next day it’s all back to depression. I don’t know why, but nothing is convincing anymore. Maybe it is. I don’t know. I guess that’s bad, but … just … *sigh* I wish I was in his arms … and he’d be stroking my hair … giving me little kisses … and I could tell how much he cares. But no … everything’s dark and cold and lonely now. It seems to always be. Why must all this hurt be followed by only a few hours of bliss? Is that right? Shouldn’t it be the other way around?

*sigh* … I need spring break. Somehow I managed to get like half my homework for the weekend done today, so I’m proud of myself for that. Now I just gotta read, do the hervruta, and do the rough draft of my chemistry paper. Hopefully it won’t take too long. And omg, I don’t know why, but my shoulder is killing me. I must’ve done something to it while riding or sleeping … ’cause it’s been sore like the whole day. My neck too. Dunno what’s up with that. And oops, forgot to ask Monica about spring break. I’ll just tell Dad I couldn’t find her. Haven’t talked to Brad in a couple days … tried to call him today, but he was out with his friends. Oh well … guess he needs that … wish he’d get online though *shrugs* Woah … Brad got on the second I posted this and was reading over the preceeding sentence about him. Weird!

*cries* I’m tired, but don’t wanna sleep. Brad’s acting weird again. Michele randomly kissed Neil tonight so he’s all freaked about that … the only good thing today was Jason LeVasseur, who rocked. But other than that, I’m back to being depressed. The Calling show is sold out, I have 4 papers due in like 2 weeks … my chaps are still broken, I really failed my algebra test. Mrs. Sig is mad at me for not turning in the college sheet yet. They ran out of CDs at the Jason LeVasseur thing … I just want it all to end …

I’m sinking slowly, so hurry hold me …

*cries* OMG, The Calling is sold out *kicks the official site* Just great

WTF? Okay, the official site of a band should be kept up-to-date. Now I might not be able to see The Calling in concert ’cause their stupid site never said when the tickets for their show at the 9:30 Club went on sale. So I just went to Ticketmaster to check ’cause it’s like 2 weeks ’til the concert, but then when I get there of course they are on sale, so I’m like omg and go and call my dad and ask if I can get some tickets, he says yeah and tries to get them, but no, Ticketmaster kept saying that they didn’t have the quantity available or something. Uh … we asked for 2 tickets … and then 1 … but it still didn’t work. And they’re not sold out. Umm? Grr. I really hope it works when Dad calls by phone. Or else I’m gonna be so pissed at both sites *sigh* I was all looking forward to hearing my favorite song live the day spring break starts … but I guess not