Holy fuck … Neil likes me too much! Look at the poem he wrote me:

lets walk in the snow
ill put your hands to my face
as the snow flakes fall
your body i will embrace
as night continues
the stars shine bright
can you please hold me closer
can you please hold me tight
i stare in your eyes
and talk to you the whole time
i suddenly realize
i wish you were mine
though i feel gone and lost forever
a broken heart i still have
i would treat you the best
as if you were the best i ever had
you make me happy
you make me glad
i will be always with you
and you never make me sad

Plus, he’s writing me a song. Me. Not Brad, but some random guy I’ve never met that’s really nice. Holy crap, this is crazy … don’t get me wrong, he’s a great friend (is actually Justin’s friend too), but damn … he’s like perfect haha. But so is Brad. Umm … conflict! LOL. And woah, now he’s making himself a buddy icon with my name on it. All I can say is woah … nobody’s ever liked me this much! And earlier he was like, I’m sorry, but I love you. I was like umm … explain? But then he said sorry and it was just that he really liked me. So yeah, it’s all good. Man, it’s gonna be weird when we meet. Damn, haha.

Ow. Back is tense for some reason I don’t know, lol. Oh well … hopefully there won’t be any crazy sophomores keeping me up tonight … damn, I swear, I couldn’t fall asleep at all last night. I guess it was ’cause I went to bed at 11 and not 2 am like I’ve been doing, and the people who were talking weren’t that loud, but I guess when you’ve gotta get used to a different sleeping pattern you can’t have any interruptions. Oh well … well Brian decided to break it off with Ashley … too bad, though, he was actually a good guy. Crap, they’re making me go to bed now, but I’ll post more tomorrow. Bye!

Wow, interim actually isn’t that bad … first period I have the Antarctica computer class (and damn, Monica is like the queen of PowerPoint, haha), second period is basically movies 101 lol, since all we’re doing is watching adventure movies (score!). So far we’ve started “Alive,” which is (surprise surprise) about a plane crash in the Andes. The beginning kinda gave away what was gonna happen, but oh well. Third period I have cooking with Mrs. Arana, which is always fun, hehe, and fourth and fifth are combined into one long one with Mr. Mackay about enjoying the cold weather (plus, we meet every other day, so I get a double free period) — and I thought I’d be stuck with all the freshman ’cause I doubted a lot of people would choose the class, but luckily there’s one other junior and Ashley’s friend (who are both nice, more or less), so it’s not that bad. And hey, who can complain about getting free food? LOL. But yeah … anyway, what’s weird is that I don’t have ANY riding lessons this week. Don’t get me wrong, I’m kinda glad since it’s so cold, but also kinda surprised ’cause it’s never been like this. Oh well, though … hope I’m not that out of shape when they start up again next week! Well, gonna go now and try to make Erica’s CD yet again, so ttyl! By the way, download “Too Bad” by Nickelback (their new single) — I love it!

Well, I’m back at school, and Mrs. Heidi is making everyone go to bed at 11, regardless if they’re a leader or not. Huh? Oh well … guess I’ll need it since I’ve been staying up ’til 2 am every night, haha. Man, I can so not see myself being able to get up at 7:30 tomorrow morning … uh, help? LOL … at least I have my Brad bear to sleep with, hehe, so hopefully it won’t be that bad. Jose is asking me the randomest questions tonight (i.e., “if u had to fight anyone who will u fight?”) — the boy is weird, I just don’t know about him.

Today was pretty cool … besides having to come back to dreaded school. Got to see Brad for a few hours, which was needed We didn’t do much, hung out in my room, drove to the Ford dealer to get parts, and ate lunch at some cheap Chinese place (twice-cooked pork = spicy, yet good). Grr, wish he was on, though … gotta tell him about the coolest song I downloaded! It’s a techno remix of NIN’s “Closer” by Static-X. Me likes it! I also downloaded like 25 other songs, hehe … guess I’m starting on my download rampage again. It’s weird … after not talking to him for awhile it made me seriously start thinking of taking a break from dating guys for awhile, but then after talking to him on the phone and seeing him today, it made all that go away. I dunno, I’m still kinda skeptical, for some reason, I just can’t bring myself to trust him 100% after what he did. Sure, he’s sorry and knows that he was a bitch, but there’s this little part of me that can’t let go *sigh* I dunno … hopefully it’ll go away as our time together progresses. I miss him already though!

Yay, he’s on now But really tired, as usual … man, wish he wasn’t ’cause I know what that’s like, and hate it, but oh well … can’t really do anything about it. Aww, he just said he loves me … well, by “<3 you,” but ya know, yeah

Note to self: download more DDR songs!

Bah. Today is looking like another mellow day. It’s been raining/sleeting outside all day, and it’s supposed to start snowing later … so yeah. It’s good ’cause I want some freakin’ snow, but bad ’cause I gotta drive and get some stuff for school *sneezes* Ah well … I think I’m getting sick … or maybe I’m just allergic to my cats. Either way, I’m sneezing like crazy, haha.

Damn, why does Neil have to like me so much? Last night he was like, Claire … even though I just met you and I don’t know that much about you, I really like you … I was like aww … Mark said the same thing basically, except he’s known me longer and knows a little bit more, but still … I mean, it was really sweet and stuff, but geez, I have Brad … I think. I haven’t seen him since Wednesday, and he’s only called once after seeing my name on the caller ID, so I dunno — I’m having second thoughts about this “trying it again” thing … does he really care and want to make it work? Or is he just gonna go hide out working on his car all day again … *sigh* I don’t know … part of me wants to call it quits, part of me wants to try the single thing for awhile, and the other part wants to meet both Mark and Neil and see how things go from there *sigh again* Is love supposed to be this hard? Well, I’m gonna go now and get my stuff for school, but I’ll ttyl — bye.

Today was okay. I slept ’til 12, and would’ve slept longer if Dad hadn’t woken me up, lol. But oh well … I guess sleeping the whole day isn’t the best thing to do. After getting up I tried to go online, but Ross was (and still is) working on his little ramp project, so that basically kicks me off the PC for the day. Which sucks. So to pass the time I vacuumed my room, did laundry, and cleaned out my picture cabinet thingy … omg, I still had Sunny pictures in there. I was like, geez, when was the last time you looked in here, haha. Then I took a shower, went with Dad to get gas, came back, went online for like 2 seconds, went to go give Shaune a ride to work, but her parents came back like right after I left, so I didn’t find out I could’ve stayed home until I got there, but it was okay — Shaune was like freaking out about how good a friend I was — she was like, hey, if you ever really need a ride from Foxcroft or something, just call me! Hehe, so it was all cool. Plus, while I was out I figured I’d get a haircut, so I did that. Don’t think the guy layered it enough, but oh well, it still looks fine. OMG, my basement is SO freakin’ cold (I just ate dinner down there while watching Cribs … and omg, lol). It’s like 20 degrees colder than the rest of the house, and the only time that I’m really warm is when I’m by the heater in the den (like now). Ahh … heat rocks I just skimmed over last night’s post, and I realized I forgot to include that besides Jose liking me, Mark and Neil do too. Like, a lot. Grr … I mean, yeah it’s flattering, but I’ve been going through this guy stuff too long! Don’t get me wrong, they’re both really nice guys and good friends, and I hate the way that they keep having to go through girl shit like I do guy shit, but I’m getting tired of going from one guy to the next all the time … it sucks, and I wish there was something I could do to help make it less painful, but there isn’t really … plus they live like 1 or 1 1/2 hours from me. So yeah … *sigh* I wonder if I should go see Shaune tonight. I don’t really have anything to do, and Ross is still typing away, but I’m tired for some reason. But maybe I’ll go anyway just to have something to do. Yeah … will do that later once I get my site stuff squared away. By the way, everyone download “A Thousand Miles” by Vanessa Carlton — the piano is so pretty!

This is going to be really random but I don’t care:

“Electro-Shock Blues” by The Eels is my anthem. Get yours here.

I want Brad to get on … I’m so gonna bitch him out if he’s playing me again. I’ve gone through this too many times to need another crazy night, crying into the dark hours of the morning and wondering if life will ever be happy again. “Wherever You Will Go” by The Calling is my song right now, the video explains me … I just need to find my prince charming that will take me away from all this hate engulfing me. I can’t believe Shaune’s mad at me … she’s NEVER been mad at me for ANYTHING! God! I don’t know what to do, I really don’t. People always say to put your friends before guys … but, that’s easier said than done. I’m on the verge of tears … *sigh* … I shouldn’t be like this … I need to escape, but I don’t know how …