Fuck … why isn’t the pop-up menu on the left working? *sigh* It worked fine yesterday. Stupid computers.

Aww look, Neil wrote me another poem! Man, I never knew I could affect somebody this much:

with 2 knives in my hands
how could anyone understand
the pain she put me through
im still alive because of you
i close my eyes for just a while
thinking of reasons why you make me smile
for reasons i will never know
ill catch your attentionn just dont let me go
i dont want to go down that cold river bend
my life with you, a really great friend

Okay, and wtf was up with Ms. Heidi making “quiet hours” tonight basically the same thing as study hall? I mean, she wouldn’t let me online, we couldn’t use the phones, she put the bottle doorstop thingy on my door, and just … grr. It was annoying ’cause I wanted to stay online all night, lol. Blah, and I have school tomorrow! *pouts* But oh well, at least I don’t have riding. My schedule’s still the same though. It’s not that bad, I just don’t have a double sleep-in or anything. And still have riding during the day, but guess you can’t really complain about that. Except in the winter it’s friggin’ cold. Well, people are gonna start making me go to “bed” soon … but dunno if I’ll get back on. I do need the sleep, but according to the Barenaked Ladies, who needs sleep? LOL.

Blogger isn’t working right now, so this is dated 1/20/02 at about 10:30 pm.

Ow. I hate cramps. Man, I think I’m actually gonna go to bed early tonight. I know Brad won’t be on, and I gotta catch up on my sleep before actual school starts up again on Tuesday. I also put my flannel sheets on my bed, so that’ll be nice. I also missed Erica by like an hour or 2 today … but oh well, I’ll see her tomorrow. And omg … Neil is being so sweet to me … I dunno why, but he keeps saying I’m an angel and stuff. Aww.

I didn’t do anything today except sleep and see Brad. At first I just kinda lay in bed for a few hours ’cause it was really cold in my room and I didn’t feel like getting up, but then Brad called at exactly 12:30 and I was all awake (like I actually got out of bed) and happy, hehe. I also got to drive the stick to his house with Dad — 5th gear finally! Oh yeah!

Brad and I watched “Up Periscope” (good/funny movie, parody of the book “Down Periscope”), then went outside for a bit so he could try out his new 2-wheeled blades and play around in the snow, and after that we just chilled inside while waiting for my dad to come. Had “The Case of the Missing Ginger Snap” lol. Also, his mom gave me this cute picture of him from senior year I think — she was like, don’t tell him I gave it to you! LOL. Got to get Sheetz for dinner tonight too, so that was good. And don’t have study hall either, so yay. Man, I really gotta work more on WNC, but oh well. I might later tonight if I’m not too tired.

Yay! It’s snowing! I’m so happy, I’ve been waiting since Christmas for this, hehe. And it’s not just some wimpy 1/4 inch that melts 2 seconds after it hits the ground — we’re supposed to get between 3 - 6 inches! The only thing that sucks is that I was supposed to see Brad today, but with the snow getting worse later on (according to my dad), I dunno if he’ll let me.

Oh and know what rocks? Since I don’t have to be at school until like 9 or 10 on Monday (instead of the usual , I just might spend Sunday night at home and drive back Monday morning! That would rock, especially if a little of the snow starts melting tomorrow, so I’ll be able to go somewhere (i.e., see Brad if I can’t today) — so that’d be awesome

OMG, guess what time I went to bed last night? 4! When usually I make myself get offline by 2. But I didn’t wanna leave Neil when he was still all depressed and sad and stuff … though now he doesn’t wanna kill himself anymore, so yay! I guess I did something to make him happy for a little bit, ’cause he dedicated a few songs by Vast to me and told me I was an angel for being there for him. Man, I hope none of my other friends decide to become suicidal … 2 is enough! Well, I really need to start working on WNC again, ’cause I haven’t since the 6th (oops … *hides*). Hehe, so yeah, gonna go get a start on that — ttyl though!

Like the new layout? It took me forever ’cause I’m a perfectionist, lol.

But … *sigh* … last night I talked Brian out of killing himself, and now I’m trying to do the same with Neil. And it’s not going as smoothly … and he doesn’t seem to accept the fact that I care about him as a friend … he’s like, no, you have Brad, don’t burden yourself with me, blah blah … I dunno, I just hate seeing him depressed like this. It sucks. And omg, I don’t know why I’m up this late. I don’t feel tired at ALL, which is weird ’cause the past 2 nights I’ve stayed up ’til like 2:30.

Okay, ya know what? I’m starting to not care who reads my stuff … yeah I’m gonna be more careful about what I write, but I’m not gonna delete my blogs/journals just ’cause what a few people reading it (that I wish hadn’t) think. Can’t change that. And it’s not like they all know this URL (I hope), so yeah. Oh well.

I went out with Brad tonight! Didn’t do much, just stopped by his house on the way home from school and had dinner with him and Jai, which was cool (and definitely entertaining) as usual. Hehe. So yeah … probably gonna see him again tomorrow too. Man, Shaune’s working all this weekend, so hopefully she can meet him tomorrow too if he comes around here. So yay … lol, in the 7 or so months that we’ve been going out, she’s never met him, haha. So yeah, gotta do that soon.

Hmm, well gonna go do site stuff now, but I’ll talk to everyone later — see ya.

Do people not care about privacy anymore? *sigh* I might as well change this URL (or delete the whole thing while I’m at it), ’cause obviously no one does.

I’m so tired. I must’ve fallen asleep during study hall ’cause suddenly I open my eyes, look at my watch, and realize I have 5 minutes to sign in, lol. And the last time I looked at the clock, it was like 9:10 or something (sign-in is at 10:15).

Anyway … man. Neil’s ex wants to get back together with him. Brad bought me (I think) some anime posters for my room whenever I get all the Hanson stuff taken down. I don’t really like anime that much, but oh well, I guess if you’re into it as much as he is, you’d want to recruit new fans or something.

Score, tomorrow’s Friday. I need a weekend. Today, like I predicted, was busy as hell. Went straight from cooking to skating, straight from skating to riding, from riding to shower, shower to dinner, dinner to online … then study hall, “Friends,” and now more online *sigh* And everybody’s stopped talking to me. Brad never answered (and proceeded to sign off) when I said the posters were okay … and … well … yeah. Shaune got a new screenname. Some random Hanson fan from Michigan is IMing me, so I might as well talk … have nothing better to do. But damn, wish I hadn’t fallen asleep. I feel all tired now, and I have a feeling this is gonna be another stay-up-’til-2 am night. But oh well.

Okay, now I don’t even know if I should keep posting here. People I know read this, which is weird, even people I don’t know who use it against my friends … *sigh*