Man, did I ever jinx myself with that last entry. As soon as I say that everything’s going awesome with Brad, it all falls apart. Get this: I think history’s repeating itself. Woah, and why are all of D-land’s images & rings not working? Hold on, gonna save this now to make sure nothing’s screwed up …

Okay, well it works. Dunno what’s up with D-land today. Anyway, so yeah, guess what happened last night. Brad suddenly decides that I’m too quiet and basically gives me an ultimatum that if I don’t get more outgoing in some way, he might break up. I was like, what? Since when have I been too quiet? And he’s only felt like this for a week. Not before when I was even shyer. But, I sent Ashley the convo and she thinks we’re gonna be okay, ’cause most everytime after he said something hurtful, he was like, I’m sorry, I’m just really stressed out right now. Or something along the lines of that. So then I tell Justin what’s going on ’cause he’s the only other person online, and surprisingly he tries to make me feel better, even though he IS my ex. He’s like, well I’ll be here if you ever need to talk. So that was kinda sweet. But then this morning Ashley tells me that he still likes me and wants to go back out with me. SOUND FAMILIAR? Uh, YEAH! It’s exactly how Brad was when I was with Justin. And now that I’m with Brad again, it Justin’s turn, I guess. God, will I ever have a normal love life? I’m getting tired of always having more that one guy interested in me. I mean, yeah, it’s flattering, but after awhile the feeling of always hurting someone else just sits as a weight on your shoulders, silently dragging you down each day *sigh* I really hope Brad doesn’t wanna break up. I love him too much, I don’t know what I’d do if he did this to me. Part of the reason I even went back out with him was ’cause he said we were perfect for each other and that he loved me more than anything and that he still really cared about me … plus, according to his site, I’m the girl of his dreams! So, doesn’t that mean a long-lasting, intense, committed relationship? I don’t wanna have to start over with someone new *sigh* He’s like, the most awesome guy in the entire world, and now things might end ’cause he can’t handle my quietness. WTF? The whole day today I’ve been really depressed & really tired, I hardly talked/smiled/etc. And no one noticed or cared except Margo (of all people), but I just told her I was okay ’cause she’d never leave me alone otherwise. And Mrs. Herbert did, too, but she thought I was just tired. Plus, she’s a teacher, and would just basically tell me to forget about Brad, which isn’t gonna happen. So, again my life has been turned upside down. I emailed Shaune about the whole thing … wonder what she’ll say. The only good things about today have been me geting an 82 (instead of the thought 75) on my English midterm, and my riding lesson being canceled. Poor Mrs. Laurie, though … how the freak did she get a dislocated nose by falling off? Oh well. *sigh* “My December” by Linkin Park and “Blurry” by Puddle of Mudd have been on repeat since last night — they are the depressing songs that explain my life right now.