Man, did I ever jinx myself with that last entry. As soon as I say that everything’s going awesome with Brad, it all falls apart. Get this: I think history’s repeating itself. Woah, and why are all of D-land’s images & rings not working? Hold on, gonna save this now to make sure nothing’s screwed up …

Okay, well it works. Dunno what’s up with D-land today. Anyway, so yeah, guess what happened last night. Brad suddenly decides that I’m too quiet and basically gives me an ultimatum that if I don’t get more outgoing in some way, he might break up. I was like, what? Since when have I been too quiet? And he’s only felt like this for a week. Not before when I was even shyer. But, I sent Ashley the convo and she thinks we’re gonna be okay, ’cause most everytime after he said something hurtful, he was like, I’m sorry, I’m just really stressed out right now. Or something along the lines of that. So then I tell Justin what’s going on ’cause he’s the only other person online, and surprisingly he tries to make me feel better, even though he IS my ex. He’s like, well I’ll be here if you ever need to talk. So that was kinda sweet. But then this morning Ashley tells me that he still likes me and wants to go back out with me. SOUND FAMILIAR? Uh, YEAH! It’s exactly how Brad was when I was with Justin. And now that I’m with Brad again, it Justin’s turn, I guess. God, will I ever have a normal love life? I’m getting tired of always having more that one guy interested in me. I mean, yeah, it’s flattering, but after awhile the feeling of always hurting someone else just sits as a weight on your shoulders, silently dragging you down each day *sigh* I really hope Brad doesn’t wanna break up. I love him too much, I don’t know what I’d do if he did this to me. Part of the reason I even went back out with him was ’cause he said we were perfect for each other and that he loved me more than anything and that he still really cared about me … plus, according to his site, I’m the girl of his dreams! So, doesn’t that mean a long-lasting, intense, committed relationship? I don’t wanna have to start over with someone new *sigh* He’s like, the most awesome guy in the entire world, and now things might end ’cause he can’t handle my quietness. WTF? The whole day today I’ve been really depressed & really tired, I hardly talked/smiled/etc. And no one noticed or cared except Margo (of all people), but I just told her I was okay ’cause she’d never leave me alone otherwise. And Mrs. Herbert did, too, but she thought I was just tired. Plus, she’s a teacher, and would just basically tell me to forget about Brad, which isn’t gonna happen. So, again my life has been turned upside down. I emailed Shaune about the whole thing … wonder what she’ll say. The only good things about today have been me geting an 82 (instead of the thought 75) on my English midterm, and my riding lesson being canceled. Poor Mrs. Laurie, though … how the freak did she get a dislocated nose by falling off? Oh well. *sigh* “My December” by Linkin Park and “Blurry” by Puddle of Mudd have been on repeat since last night — they are the depressing songs that explain my life right now.

*happy sigh* Aww, I had the best Brad day I love cuddling, don’t you? When we drove back to the mall so I could drive home, neither of us wanted to leave, so we just kinda hugged each other & kissed for a few minutes. It was cute. I dunno why, but I love just sitting there with him, like resting my head on his shoulder & knowing that we both love each other more than anything. That’s like, what gets me through each day, hehe. It’s like the Lifehouse song “Breathing”. Man, that’s my favorite song by them, I’m in love with the lyrics, hehe. “‘Cause even if you don’t wanna speak tonight, that’s alright, alright with me. ‘Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside heaven’s door and listen to you breathing, that’s where I wanna be, yeah … ” Aww, happiness Grr, but now I can’t see him for 2 weeks ’cause he has a camping trip next weekend, but oh well, guess I gotta get used to it. And hey, all I gotta do is remember what I said above, and I’ll be fine By the way, my fingers hurt for some reason. It better not be that stupid carpal tunnel syndrome or whatever. That’s the last thing I need, lol. Well, gonna go to bed now ’cause I’m really tired (plus, have a sleep-in tomorrow — score!), so I will TTYL.

Haha, Erica (my roommate) is so funny! I was just upstairs in our room, and we were making fun of each other — I mean, come on, she seriously thought today was Saturday. She was like, no, it is! OMG, that was so funny. I was cracking up. And then she makes fun of me for saying “okay” all the time, hehe. And then I called her special ’cause she could see through the crack in the door. LOL, aren’t we stupid? Haha. Aw yeah, Brad just got on! I need a Brad fix I haven’t talked to him in what seems forever (a day) … ’cause I fell asleep last night instead of going back online, and when I woke up the next morning I was like, CRAP! It’s 7 am and I fell asleep! LOL. But yeah … oh man, know what sucks? I got a 75 on my English midterm. WTF? I so thought I would do better. I guess Mrs. Herbert is hard grader or something. Fun fun, really looking forward to that Haha … but yeah, well gonna go talk to Brad now — ttyl!

Haha, oops, haven’t written in here in awhile. But oh well — semi-formal was awesome!

Brad came and everybody who met him, like, loved him, and today at lunch Jackie said that we were cute together! Hehe, my face hurt from smiling so much. Grr, I wish I had my formal pictures back already, lol — I have so many people to show them to. And I can’t decide what the best part about Saturday was: Brad giving me a single pink rose from his house before the dance (aww!) or when we went to Jai’s party, and during Jai’s turn at pinball, Brad would gently pull me to him and hold me, leaning against some chair. I know it doesn’t sound like much, but it’s the greatest feeling having your boyfriend wrap his arms around you (and of course you doing the same), and not having to speak any words because your hearts do it for you. Hehe, I just made that part up, but it is true. Hope it didn’t sound too corny. But yeah … I guess I’m a cuddling kind of person.

And know what was weird? That night I went to bed around 2, woke up around 9, and wasn’t tired, haha. How is that possible? ‘Cause if that were the case at school, I’d be knocked out ’til like noon. But oh well, I dunno … I guess I’m used to being tired now that all my friends get on late, haha.

And omg, my English midterm is tomorrow, and I really hope it isn’t too bad! I have a feeling it’ll be like how Dr. Schoberl’s were last year, so I’ll know how to study and stuff, but still … grr. Why is it that the only class that has midterms is English? Oh well, at least I take it early so I can get it over with. And with it being the first one of the year, the material won’t be too hard *knock on wood* Hehe, but yeah … well, g2g get Erica for dinner now, but I’ll talk to everyone later — bye!

Happy 16th birthday Zac (Hanson)!

I swear, this dorm has no heat, lol *sighs* I’m waiting for Brad to get on. Knowing him he’ll get on at like 1 minute to 11, lol. I hope he called earlier today … ’cause if not then semi-formal is like, not happening. But I know he did … he wouldn’t forget something that. Oh, guess what? NeverLetGo on MatchMaker is finally hooked up with her Romeo! It’s so cute, I haven’t talked to her in forever, but seeing that picture of them together made my day. I was just like, aww, they’re together now! Hehe *shivers again* Damn, someone needs to crank up the heat here. It’s freezing And I don’t know what to write. Hmm … aww, Brad showed me the poems he wrote for his ex a long time ago, and they’re, like, good. There’s so much feeling in them, I could tell he really loved her. I’m not jealous, though, ’cause on the main page of his site he wrote (on the night when he “confessed” to still loving me), “this semester sucks … I’m trying to recapture the heart of the girl of my dreams.” That’s ME! How awesome is that? I almost fell over when I read it. And I thought he never updated that site anymore. Hehe. Well, I’m gonna go read the poems over again ’cause I’m bored, lol, but ttyl!

How awesome is it that I can charge semi-formal pictures to home account? Score!

I don’t know why, but I’m suddenly in love with the movie Love & Basketball. All the other times I’ve seen it I didn’t like it, but now when I actually see almost the whole thing, I’m like damn, this is pretty good. I would be watching it right now, but it made me miss Brad, so I’m hoping he’ll get on soon

I so don’t wanna have study hall. I’m so tired, I just wanna sleep. And the end of this week and next are gonna be hell: paper due, semi-formal, midterms, parents’ weekend … *sigh* … I’m tired of everything happening all at once. I didn’t even have time to add pictures to my site this weekend — a first for me, ’cause I usually do have time. Now next weekend, when I’m only gonna be home 1 day (max), I’m gonna have like 50 - 100 pictures to put up. Fun fun. Which I probably won’t get to … I’ll either still be in dream mode from semi, really tired, or hungover from Jai’s party. If I even go. Dad has this crazy idea that I need to home at 1. Right. If we leave school at 11, get there at 11:45, leave at 12:15, and get home at 1, that leaves 30 minutes for partying. I don’t think so! Grr.

OMG, I wish Brad was here. I wish it was Friday, with no school to worry about, and we could curl up next to the fire (i.e., warmth!), eat s’mores, cuddle, and watch Love & Basketball with my friends. Aw, that’d be great. But no … it’s only Monday. I have a ton of work to do. My arm still hurts a little. I’m cold. And I miss Brad a ton already. I wonder if he’s missing me. He said he was last night *sigh* I’m so tired. Oh well, just thought I’d add another random entry in here before study hall starts. Gonna go check MatchMaker now, so TTYL. Bye.

OMG, I don’t know why, but seeing Brad last night was the best. We didn’t even do that much, hehe, but I guess seeing him after not being able to in like a month can do that *smiles* Too bad none of my friends at school were there when he came. But maybe that’s a good thing, ’cause they would’ve been freaking out. LOL, and everyone who’s seen his picture has been like, “WOAH, he’s cute!” LOL. And Maya was so funny … like she COULD NOT believe that I had a boyfriend. She kept saying over and over, “what? You have a boyfriend?” Hehe, it was funny. Anyway, back to last night … from school Dad drove Brad and I to his house. On the way Brad listened to random songs on my laptop and configured it so that I’d be able to put a CD in it and be able to convert the songs to MP3s — yay! Damn, he knows too much about computers I mean, when we got to his house he put my computer on his network and gave me like 100 songs that he liked. I was like, okay, cool! I just gotta be careful now that I don’t use up all my hard drive space … ’cause I only have like 2 GB left … but that’s a lot, so hey, I’m fine After we did the computer thing at his house and some other stuff, we went to Jai’s house, had dinner at this really good chinese restaurant called House Emperor or something, and then went back to Jai’s (and looked at jokes on the net for like half an hour ). OMG, Jai’s house is like computer heaven. Haha … he has this big 5-foot TV that he sets his computer screen to show on, a WIRELESS mouse and keyboard, and these huge, really really comfortable chairs that I could’ve fallen asleep on if I wanted to. Plus, they can fit 2 people (a.k.a. Brad and I)! Hehe … and know what was cute? On the way to Jai’s house and when Brad drove me home, since he was driving the “limo” car which has 3 seats in the front instead of 2, he had me sit in the middle (closest to him), and like held my hand and stuff the whole way. Aww *sighs* It was sweet, like sitting there in the dark next to him listening to the radio and watching the road go by. The bad part was me getting back home late (by about 20 minutes), but Dad was like, “okay, earlier curfew for you next time.” Grr. Oh well … it was worth it!

My right arm is so sore from riding. Like if I do anything other than typing it hurts. Grr … I hate horses that take a lot of strength to stop