Man, I think I’m about to cry. Why does love have to be so fuckin’ hard? And why is Brad so possessive? I can’t help it if I didn’t know! It’s not like he clearly told me! And now he’s saying that if I don’t go out with him he’s gonna hate me — like, seriously hate me. WTF? You don’t DO that to people! Geez! I feel like I’m being pulled apart. In one direction towards Justin and wanting to stay with him, and in the other towards Brad ’cause I don’t want him to feel crappy ’cause of me. WHY? This isn’t supposed to happen! This is why I fuckin’ asked Brad in the first place if it was okay with him if Justin asked me out! Hello, does he not understand what that means? Asking someone out is asking if you can date them — I mean, he fuckin’ asked me that! I’m just so pissed at him right now — it’s not my fault he didn’t tell me how he felt. I mean, telling your girlfriend how you feel is not hard. Geez. And why did I agree to see him tomorrow (as friends)? He better not try anything. I’m gonna be so mad if he does.

On a happier note, guess what? I found out tonight that Justin is left-handed (like me)! How cool is that? ‘Cause I don’t know anyone else who is — and how more perfect can it be than my boyfriend? Hehe.

Dude, I am in love with the song “Man, It’s So Loud in Here” by They Might Be Giants! It’s a techno song, but they’re not a techno band … and Justin just informed me that they’re two guys named John who were roommates in college (I think). How ghetto is that? Haha. TMBG rock! LOL, I can’t really say that ’cause I’ve only heard like 3 of their songs, but hey, deal with it Michelle Branch rocks, too — her song “You Set Me Free” is so awesome. As is “You Get Me” and “Everywhere” (of course, ’cause it’s the single, lol). And omg, “Drowning” by the Backstreet Boys is the cutest song! It makes me think of Justin, hehe. Speaking of guys, an anonymous person sent me an email from CrushLink today. I asked Justin if it was him and it wasn’t, but he said that his guess was that it was one of my exes. It better not be that freako 25 or whatever guy that’s obsessed with me. Geez, he was so annoying. I just like, deleted his last email to me ’cause I was like, ya know what, I don’t like you, you’re like 10 years older than me, we have nothing in common, I know nothing about you, so go away. LOL. But dude … what if it WAS one of my exes? I don’t think it was Sunny (thank god), but it could be Brad … Justin said he might still like me. And when we broke up it’s not like we had a fight or whatever .. *sigh* … but then again, I don’t think he knows my gURLmail email address. So that leaves Sunny, the freako guy … or John? No, John stopped being interested in me like 3 years ago, haha. So it couldn’t have been him. Sunny, like, I dunno … he tries to talk to me but I’m still all hostile towards him — ’cause I’m still mad at all the shit he caused me. So that leaves the freako guy. Fun fun. Well, if it IS him, I hope he doesn’t bother me anymore. Or else I’m blocking his ass LOL. Yeah. Dude, I rode Flig today for my general, and Ms. Laurie like flipped out and was like, “omg, you’re doing so well! You’re one of the few people that actually likes him! Would you mind riding him for a general again?” I was like, sure … but geez, calm down It was good finally getting complimented, though, ’cause sincere compliments from the riding people are rare, lol AND, when I went to turn Flig out, he started galloping across the field, and then all the other horses there started following him! It was basically a stampede! And seeing one of those is rare (I’ve seen like 3 in the 2 1/2 years I’ve been here), so I was like, woah. A stampede. This must be a good sign The only “bad” thing that happened today was me not going to the Tally Ho! meeting ’cause I was too busy talking to Justin and relaxing after riding. Haha … I hope Erica isn’t mad. ‘Cause she’s like the Tally Ho! head AND my roommate. So yeah, not really a good combination — but oh well, I’ll just say I didn’t know it was tonight or something. LOL I’m sure she’ll understand. Oh crap, study hall started early tonight and I forgot — so g2g to that — bye! I’ll write later

Aww, last night with Justin was so awesome! It went just as I expected … and even more, hehe. Here’s what happened (times are approximate)!

3:20: Drove Ross and myself to the station ’cause he was gonna check out the Pentagon (and I called Justin to tell him I was gonna be a little late, too), and then we parted at L’Enfant Plaza.

4:15: Got to College Park station, met Justin there, and took the shuttle back to UMD

4:30: Arrived on campus and walked to his room … we chatted about random things along the way, hehe.

4:50: Ate lunch at “The Diner” … he was so cute, he kept like smiling at me and stuff …

5:20: Went back to his room and I showed him my Aussie/random pictures … he thought the sunrise ones were pretty

5:35: Turned on the TV and surfed for a few minutes, then he got on his computer and checked some stuff (like the movie location/time) … meanwhile I kept surfing, found MTV and MTV2, and watched that for awhile.

5:55: He got offline and came and sat on the bed (I was in his roommate’s leather chair) … and after a few more minutes of surfing asked me to come sit next to him (aww) … and we continued to watch MTV/MTV2.

6:10: I felt his arm against my back, and although I knew he meant it to be “accidental”, lol … I knew what he was doing (:razz:) and soon he put his arm around me — I was just like, aww … then we held hands! He was like, “does your back hurt or anything?” I said not really, but he gave me a back rub-type thing anyway It felt so good ’cause his hand was warm and stuff, hehe.

6:45: Somehow we stayed in his room ’til now, lol, and then we walked (hand-in-hand) to the movie place!

7: Got to the movie place (which was actually his psychology room), and we sat kinda near the front, which was cool … the movie was Evolution. He held my hand the whole time too — hehe, aww

9:15: The movie (which didn’t have the greatest sound system) ends … it was funny, though! Then me and Justin walk hand-in-hand (reluctantly) back to his dorm, ’cause we both know I’ll have to leave soon …

9:25: We stop at the room for like 2 minutes so I can get my pack and stuff … but then, almost out of nowhere after checking something on his computer, he comes and hugs me … and then kisses me! I was like aww! It was so sweet … he kept like rubbing my back and once even touched my face — it was heaven, I swear, lol. He’s so cute up close! A few minutes later we part, and walk reluctantly to the shuttle station … again hand-in-hand

9:40: The bus comes … but it was cute waiting for it! Hehe … we sat on this somewhat-shaded bench by the station, and we held hands still, and soon he put him arm around me … all I could do was keep saying “aww” in my mind over and over We sat the same way on the bus!

9:50: Well, we get to the station … and both don’t wanna say goodbye. We walk down the stairs to the little farecard things, but since he wants to catch the same bus that brought us there since it only comes like once every half hour that late, he couldn’t stay for long. He gave me another hug and kiss (aw), sadly said “bye,” and we parted. I looked back to see him running up the escalator to try and catch the bus, turned back, went through a farecard taker, and went up the escalator … replaying the whole night over and over in my mind

10: The metro FINALLY comes, and I get on some random car … and ride it to L’Enfant Plaza.

10:25: Get to L’Enfant Plaza, and reach the orange train just as it was leaving, lol … so I had to wait like 15 more minutes until the next one came, which sucked During which some weird random guy who “just got out of jail” asked me for money. I said no, haha.

11: Finally get to East Falls Church, find the Toyota, turn on Z104’s cool techno remixes that they have Saturday night (yay!), and drive (with no problem) to Blockbuster to say hi to Shaune.

11:10: Get to Blockbuster, park and stuff, and find Shaune … I spaz (well, haha, not really) to her about Justin and how awesome the night went, and then she bitches about Randy and how he hasn’t called her in like 3 days … and man, does that suck! I hope things go okay with them.

11:20: I show Shaune the car since she hasn’t seen the fire stuff I put in, hehe, and then I leave ’cause Dad’s probably wondering where the hell I am, lol.

11:25: I get home, park, and go inside. Dad isn’t mad (yay!) … and about 10 minutes later get online and talk to Justin ’til about 12:30 ’cause Dad annoyingly nagged me to go to bed. But oh well — the time with Justin made up for it!

Well, that was how Saturday went! Isn’t it so cool? Hehe, I can’t write a lot more ’cause Shaune’s coming over soon and I still gotta take a shower and pack, but I’ll ttyl — bye!

Okay, wtf is up with Justin calling my friend Ashley (when he never calls me — I call him) and leaving her a message? I don’t think she has a cell phone … and she lives in the same dorm as me! Um … why? Doesn’t he like me? Yeah, I know he’s trying to find her a guy at UMD, but what I don’t get is why he willingly calls her … he told me he can’t call me ’cause it’s long distance and the phones there won’t do that. Well then wtf is up with calling Ashley who is in the same place I am? *sigh* And I see him in like 48 hours, too. When I asked him about it earlier he was like, “would you like me to not talk to her?” Of course I said no ’cause that’s stupid — all I wanna know is WHY. Does he like her or something? Grr … he’s on now, but I don’t wanna ask him ’cause I’m probably over-analyzing the whole stupid thing. Like I always do. And why isn’t Brad on? Before my stupid laptop decided to kick me off everything was okay. But then when I got off, he got off. And he had just told me how he wanted a kiss from anyone (dunno if I’m included) for his 19th birthday, which is today. Wonder if I should send him an online card or something? And Alex’s is in 6 days. Might send him something, too. Speaking of Alex, WHERE IS HE? He’s usually online 24/7, but he hasn’t been on in like a week. And I dunno where he is. Grr, it’s weird, ’cause I wanna talk to him and see what advice he can give me about Justin. ‘Cause he’s good with that kinda stuff. Yeah *shivers* I’m cold. Justin is doing shit to entertain me. I’m so bored. Like half the net doesn’t work. No one interesting is on. I’m alone in the computer lab. Where the fuck IS everybody? Usually it’s crowded in here! OMG, Justin just asked for my email to send me something. Hello, I’ve sent you like 20 billion forwards — how can you not know my addy? *sigh* Oh well … maybe he’s not the prince charming I thought he would be. Maybe this is just a rebound thing, and I’m too blind or whatever to see it. And Brad is being all sweet about me and Justin — he’s not jealous or whatever, and he didn’t get mad when I told him about him. Why did we have to break up? Maybe that was my mistake. Not trying hard enough to keep us together. But oh well. Yay, Ms. Gamboa is here to hopefully fix my laptop, so I’m gonna go now, but talk to everyone later.

Okay, wtf is up with gURLmail. It hasn’t been working ALL day. So have all its little related sites, like gURL.com and gURLpages and all that crap. It’s annoying me so much ’cause it’s my main email account, so I get the most mail there … so yeah. Plus, Justin is at class now, and chemistry doesn’t start for like another 20 minutes … so I’m online with nothing to do. A rare moment. I got a 79 at Diaryland Diary Reviews. One more point and I would’ve been able to join the 80-and-above ring they have. But oh well. I bet if my fire border “worked right” I would already be IN the ring, but no. Someone with a higher resolution than mine just had to review this and take off the points. But oh well, I’m not complaining … a 79 is good On another note, Justin informed me today that computer windows and Internet Explorer windows are interchangable — meaning that if you open up your “My Computer” folder, are connected to the internet, and type a site address into the little bar, it will take you to the site … and you don’t even have to open up a separate IE window. How cool is that? I was like, ooh! He knows like all the little things about computers and the net that I don’t, and it’s cool when he tells me. But you probably already knew that. Yeah. I dunno, I’m so out of it today. Like for first period I almost went to the wrong floor. And I barely had any lunch ’cause my stomach felt weird. I dunno, I’m just tired. Why can’t it be Friday yet? And why won’t they announce the members of judicial? Hello, it’s been like a week already, and I KNOW you know who they are. So just say it. Geez. I hate how this school procrastinates sometimes. It’s so annoying. But anyway … my general today got canceled ’cause there were too many people signed up. It’s bad ’cause I kinda wanted to ride, but good ’cause after chemistry I can plop in front of my laptop, download stuff, and talk to Justin about random little things. And Saturday. And how much we miss each other. LOL, we haven’t really done that yet (although a little) … but yeah. Excuse my random ramblings, I dunno what I’m typing. Just whatever I’m thinking. Haha. Stupid school phone cards aren’t working *kicks company* Why does this always happen when you need to make a call? *sigh* I don’t, but I did yesterday when I realized they were fucked. Oh well. And what is up with the like 20-something guy from MSN like, liking me? Well, of course I haven’t read his message today ’cause stupid gURLmail is down, but it’s so stupid … I don’t know anything about him, and vice versa. Oh well. Hopefully he’ll leave me alone soon. When he realizes that I have no interest in him whatsoever. Yup *looks at watch* Okay, 10 minutes ’til chemistry. Damn, I’m tired. And I feel sick, although I know I’m not. My stomach’s all weird. But it’s good that I’m not ’cause then Saturday would suck *teenie moment* JUSTIN CARES ABOUT ME! Hehe, he told me last night. I was like, aww. And it’s so sweet that Brad isn’t jealous or whatever when I told him about Justin like a week ago. He’s being all supportive and stuff, which is good … at least I hope he isn’t jealous. I’d feel guilty then, like I was betraying him or something. Do you think I am? I dunno … and Anna’s Yahoo email account has been deleted, I’m assuming from neglection (is that a word?) … which is weird … she hasn’t called me back and is NEVER EVER online. What’s up with her? Hope everything’s okay. Oh well … hmm .. *looks at watch again* … 7 minutes. I guess I should go and like, sit there or something Haha … so bye! I’ll be back shortly to spaz about Justin, lol. Bye bye bye.

Hey, this is gonna be quick, but just wanted to say how honored I am to again be on the main page of DogSon.com — Alex’s site! Hehe … this time it’s for TimeSplitters, and last time it was for some random question he asked me, lol. Either way, it’s cool ’cause the only reason I go there is to see what’s new (’cause I’m bored, lol), and there my name is staring back at me! So yay. Props to Alex … except he forgot to include me in the little status bar scrolling thingy, but oh well. It’s still awesome! By the way, guess what? Last night I talked to Justin online from 11:45 pm to 1:45 am — impressive, huh? AND, today is the one-year anniversary of me seeing Hanson (awesome concert) in Philly! Cool, no? Haha … well ttyl!

Don’t ask why I named this entry the way I did — all I know is that it’s what I’ll be having 6 days from now with Justin, hehe: snuggle time! I know for a fact now that he likes me, and wants to go out with me. All I gotta do is see what happens on Saturday when we meet for the second time (2 1/2 weeks into school) *sigh* I wonder if he’ll kiss me when I get off the metro. That would be interesting. Not that I’m not looking forward to it … just that I haven’t kissed him before … and yeah, I’m just gonna have to go with the flow.

And right now I’m installing IE 6. Wonder how that’ll be … hopefully better than 5.5! Haha, but anyway … well, g2g now before the install finishes so I don’t lose what I’ve written so far, so ttyl! I’ll see you in a few minutes.

Okay, I’m back. To be honest, IE 6 is the same as 5.5 except for things maybe being a little clearer. But oh well, it’s still cool. At least I’m “up-to-date” now, lol.

Anyway, today I didn’t do much. Go up. Went to the little junior class bonding thing. Hiked to Goose Creek with Racquel and Bernadette. Had lunch. Went online. Took a shower. Read for history. Went to Penn’s and got Chinese food for dinner. Came back. Watched the start of Big Show or something … it was about dogs *shrugs* Decided it was boring, went back online. Talked to Justin. Watched Braveheart (awesome movie!), and now here I am (again talking to Justin). Exciting, huh? Hehe. Tomorrow we have the stupid community service things … but thank god I’m in the development office and not stuck cleaning the road. That would suck. So yay! That’s from 1 - 4 pm. And study hall is at 7:30 pm (of course). So, besides those two things, I’m free. Gonna finish history and my outline for English during study hall, so what to do with the extra time? Sleep and talk to Justin (again)! LOL. Life is good. Except now I’m running out of stuff to talk to Justin about.

Oh well … omg, and on Friday I rode (a general) for the first time since May, and man, am I outta shape! I’m so sore, haha. Good thing I didn’t have a lesson! Speaking of which, they start next week. Wonder who I’m gonna be with? *sigh* Well, I’m getting kinda tired now, so I’m gonna go and talk with Justin more. Maybe get a goodnight hug or kiss out of him or something. LOL. Bye bye!