OMG. Instead of thinking that I might cry, I am crying. Well, sorta … my eyes are watery Anyway, I just read through Brad’s MatchMaker profile, and get this, he TOOK OUT/DELETED the part about already meeting his perfect person (me) and that he loves me! Does this mean he doesn’t love me anymore? I so have a feeling that he’s gonna break up with me when school starts ’cause he can’t “handle” long-distance relationships. Really, I think it’s ’cause he doesn’t care about me that much anymore. He never calls or IMs me first, never says “I love you” anymore … and when I sent him a wink on MatchMaker today, he just deleted it *sigh* Why does this always happen to me? Can’t I find “the one”? I truly thought it was Brad, but no, everything seems to come before me now — his friends, video games, work, etc. I’m so depressed … I thought he loved me! I love him so much, he means everything to me, I let him do stuff that I never thought I would … I don’t know what I’m gonna do when he ends it, ’cause I have a feeling he will. God, I just can’t describe what I’m feeling right now. A mixture of hate, love, confusion, anxiety, and sadness. First it was the Bolt thing, and now it’s the MatchMaker thing. What next? Me catching him cheating or something? *cries* All I want is someone who loves me. Someone I can talk to openly without worrying that they’ll judge me on what I say. Someone who’s funny and smart and HONEST and trustworthy. I don’t even think Brad wants to see me this week. We’re both going away on the weekends … he’s busy Friday … I told him I was free tomorrow night … then he’s like, I don’t know my schedule that much in advance. I mean, come on! It’s TOMORROW! If you don’t know, then why can’t you plan to do stuff with me? I dunno … I think I’m just gonna stop doing everything first in this relationship, ’cause I think he’s feeling smothered or something. I’m tired of it, too (initiating everything) … if he wants to see me, HE’S gonna have to ask. If I’m online and he wants to talk, HE’S gonna have to be the first to say hi. I know he’s more likely to just ignore me, but if that’s so, fuck him, I don’t need a guy who uses me. Which is kinda what it’s unraveling to … after looking at all of this from afar, that’s what it seems to me. FUCK. Someone please fix my blindness.

By the way, I’ve been spinning the song “Who Do You Love” by The Moffatts repeatedly tonight — it’s exactly how I feel