Okay … someone needs to tell me what to do about this … I love Brad and all, but today right before he got off work he *tried* to cyber with me … or maybe he did … or not … I don’t know, all I know is that it was weird to be talking with him and then suddenly he starts. I mean, it’s not like he’s some guy who only cares about sex, he’s much more mature than that … but still … for some reason it seems that 75% of the time we’re together it’s oriented towards “going at it,” which is fine in moderation, but sometimes I wanna do other stuff … that’s fun and we both like it and does not involve lying on his couch together … ya know? I dunno, maybe I’m just a freak, but I just don’t get it … Brad rocks and I love being with him and like kissing him and stuff … but there’s a LOT of sex-like stuff that we do, and he doesn’t have a problem with it. Sometimes I just wanna take it slow and enjoy being with him … and don’t get me wrong, we have a little of that, but most of the time we end up half-naked and I finally pull his hand away from me and I’m like, that’s enough. Not in a mean way, but like, kinda stern (not really) … haha, yeah, like that’ll get the message across … but … *sigh* I know that talking to him about it would help, but I don’t want him to think that I don’t love him or don’t like doing stuff with him, ’cause that’s what I’m most afraid of. To be honest, I haven’t been with a lot of guys, and when someone like Brad comes along, you want to do everything you can to make them happy. And I guess that’s what’s happening with me. Brad is the best thing I’ve had in my life and I guess I’m just afraid of doing anything wrong or saying something that he’ll take the wrong way and like break up with me or something like that … or be taken aback by whatever and like not talk to me or get all hostile and like … I don’t know. Someone please tell me if this is totally whacked or what …

Brad has said that if something we’re doing doesn’t feel right to tell him to stop and he would … but I’d feel kinda guilty doing that (plus be worried that he’d get mad), like I’m not giving him enough love or whatever … and then one time while we were doing stuff he asked if this one particular thing was okay to do, and I was like, later (in a few days), and then he re-phrased it and did it anyway ’cause I thought he meant something else … *sigh* … why is love so hard? Grr …