Well, okay, so maybe Brad doesn’t want to break up with me. At least I don’t think so. He FINALLY emailed me back today on SparkMatch and sent me a “wink” on MatchMaker, so I’m guessing that’s good sign, hehe. By the way, what song is this on the radio? It’s some R&B thing, but I’ve never heard of it … I like it, though. Anyway, today we went to Canada’s Wonderland (where Hanson went!). I got sunburned, as usual, lol … and dayam, the coasters there are TINY! I mean, the Sky Flyer (a.k.a. Sky Coaster, Fly Coaster, etc.) was like twice as tall as the highest coaster there! I was like, hmm, this is gonna be interesting. So then I went on all the coasters, and much to my dismay, most of them sucked. The 2 or 3 that weren’t “kiddie coasters” (lol) were The Bat (which went forwards AND backwards), the SkyRider (a stand-up coaster which had a decent track and speed), and some other one (forgot the name) that had blue cars, went pretty fast, and was REALLY smooth. So yeah, that was basically my day at the amusement park. Go figure. I think my sense of fear has lowered to the point where the only thing that halfway scares me is bungy jumping off a 1000-foot cliff or something. Haha … coasters don’t seem to do it for me anymore, but oh well. They still rock Dad and Ross are at the (Toronto) Blue Jays game right now — actually, they have been for like 2 hours, so I’m guessing they’ll be back soon. But hey, I know nothing about baseball, so who knows? LOL. Hmm … what else to write? Janet’s new song (”Someone to Call My Lover”) — my favorite at the moment — is playing on the radio right now, so that’s good. It took me forever to find out who sung it, which was pretty funny ’cause I can usually tell … and if not, the stupid station will actually MENTION to you who it was (ahem, like, 99% of the ones I listen to ). Did that make sense? Oh well, it does to me. Okay, well I should be going off somewhere else online, ’cause now I’m just blabbing Bye bye!

Back to the Brad thing, I still REALLY hope that things haven’t changed between us at home — I love him too much for that to happen (and hey, if things progress instead, that’s even more awesome)! Or maybe I just get paranoid whenever one of us is on vacation …

OMG, I think I’m gonna cry. There’s something about the way that Brad is acting that makes me think he doesn’t love me (or even like me) as much as he used to. I mean, he isn’t answering my emails (I’m on vacation now), he won’t IM me, and when I IM him he barely says anything. This CAN’T be happening, he’s been so awesome to me ever since we met, and now it seems like everything’s going downhill *cries* What’s going on? Ever since I signed up for that SparkMatch thing and changed my AIM profile declaring my feelings for him, it’s like he doesn’t wanna talk to me anymore I mean, he was fine on Thursday when we went out to lunch and the movies, but then on Friday before I left he didn’t even say “bye” or “I love you” or anything online *sigh* I hope I’m just over-analyzing again. I REALLY don’t wanna have to go through a break-up or a fight or something with Brad. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH, and in the past he’s said he really does care about me, too, but now I don’t know. I don’t know what I’d do without him — definitely become depressed! I’m even scared right now … and I have no idea why, a guy has never had this effect on me before. There’s just something about him that has like taken over me, and if that something (or just plain HIM) goes away, I’ll be screwed. It’s like I NEED him to live. I know that sounds weird ’cause I’m only 17, but still, when you love someone and things don’t seem right with the other person, it hurts Well, I g2g now, but whoever reads this, cross your fingers for me and him and hope that everything works out okay between us. I DON’T WANNA LOSE HIM!

FUCK! I had just finished writing a GOOD entry for this thing when for some reason the browser went “back” and my whole thing got erased! Grr … why me, why now? Haha, sorry, but basically it said that I had an AWESOME time with Brad today. Fuck, I SO don’t want to write it all over again. ‘Cause then I’ll remember it … oh well. I have the memory. Well, ttyl, I’m too lazy to write it all out again … bye! Also, the “thing” with Brad is officially over now — yay! We had a little non-direct talk about it today while seeing The Score at Ballston, so it’s all good I LOVE MY BABY! Hehe … by the way, why do I always FORGET to turn my lights on in the rain (’cause I usually DO remember) when someone’s following me home? LOL, ’cause Brad was, and he was like, ya know, you should really turn your lights on in the rain … hehe. Good ‘ol Brad, always looking out for me

Ugh, I feel gross. I think I’m getting a cold or something … this morning I took NyQuil ’cause it was all we had and 2 Midol pills ’cause of “the time of the month” thing (lol), and then later I went and got some DayQuil from the store, so now I have 15 ml of NyQuil, 2 Midol pills, and 30 ml of DayQuil in me, and I feel horrible Blah … like I’m tired, a little dizzy, and my stomach feels weird all at once. I’m bored, too, which is why I’m writing in here, lol. Brad was supposed to call today, too, since he got back from Colorado last night, but I’m guessing he’s out (or driving home from work), ’cause I just called and no one answered. But he said he wasn’t working today … who knows, though, maybe he got called in at the last minute or something weird like that. But it’s kinda strange … ’cause he usually calls to say hi and let me know how things are going BEFORE he does stuff. Plus, we haven’t talked for at least 10 days ’cause he’s been away, and unless something bad happened to him (god forbid), why won’t he call? Grr … oh well. WTF, why do I have to get a cold in the summer and like 3 days before we go to Canada and Wisconsin? And if I see Brad before Saturday when we leave, I won’t want him to kiss me or anything ’cause then he’d probably get sick, too He probably wouldn’t care, but still … I don’t want him to have to go through this! *sigh* Anyway, I guess I should go and finish downloading songs so that I can make a CD, so talk to you later. Bye …

Hi. Don’t really know why I’m writing in here … guess I’m bored. Well, for those of you who read the previous entry, I’ve decided to wait until Brad gets back from Colorado and see how things are with him before doing anything. Hopefully that’ll turn out fine. Saw Brandon yesterday — it was good to see him again after more than a month of not. He shaved his head, too … said he was tired of having hair, lol. One of his new co-workers, Thomas, gave me his number. He was pretty nice … wonder if I should actually call. And grr … why didn’t Kristen call yesterday? She said she would — and even though she’s only been back for a day, she doesn’t usually go back on her word. Oh well, I’ll get on her case if I don’t hear from her until tomorrow, lol. Okay, well I’m gonna go take a shower now, so talk to you guys later …

There NEEDS to be a Hanson-related diaryring on here, lol. Anybody besides me like them?

Okay … someone needs to tell me what to do about this … I love Brad and all, but today right before he got off work he *tried* to cyber with me … or maybe he did … or not … I don’t know, all I know is that it was weird to be talking with him and then suddenly he starts. I mean, it’s not like he’s some guy who only cares about sex, he’s much more mature than that … but still … for some reason it seems that 75% of the time we’re together it’s oriented towards “going at it,” which is fine in moderation, but sometimes I wanna do other stuff … that’s fun and we both like it and does not involve lying on his couch together … ya know? I dunno, maybe I’m just a freak, but I just don’t get it … Brad rocks and I love being with him and like kissing him and stuff … but there’s a LOT of sex-like stuff that we do, and he doesn’t have a problem with it. Sometimes I just wanna take it slow and enjoy being with him … and don’t get me wrong, we have a little of that, but most of the time we end up half-naked and I finally pull his hand away from me and I’m like, that’s enough. Not in a mean way, but like, kinda stern (not really) … haha, yeah, like that’ll get the message across … but … *sigh* I know that talking to him about it would help, but I don’t want him to think that I don’t love him or don’t like doing stuff with him, ’cause that’s what I’m most afraid of. To be honest, I haven’t been with a lot of guys, and when someone like Brad comes along, you want to do everything you can to make them happy. And I guess that’s what’s happening with me. Brad is the best thing I’ve had in my life and I guess I’m just afraid of doing anything wrong or saying something that he’ll take the wrong way and like break up with me or something like that … or be taken aback by whatever and like not talk to me or get all hostile and like … I don’t know. Someone please tell me if this is totally whacked or what …

Brad has said that if something we’re doing doesn’t feel right to tell him to stop and he would … but I’d feel kinda guilty doing that (plus be worried that he’d get mad), like I’m not giving him enough love or whatever … and then one time while we were doing stuff he asked if this one particular thing was okay to do, and I was like, later (in a few days), and then he re-phrased it and did it anyway ’cause I thought he meant something else … *sigh* … why is love so hard? Grr …

Well, VA beach was cool. Seeing ODU, Q-Bass, Rare Earth, The Turtles, and Right On perform, having two nights of fireworks, and actually going to restaurants NOT in our hotel were pluses. And the waves were good on two days Except I got slammed a few times, but at least I don’t have too many bruises. I got sunburned, as most people did, and hopefully this time it’ll turn into a tan. I NEVER tan, and now I think my skin should compensate for 16 years of paleness and give me a good glow, lol. Plus, Brad’ll be happy if I tan, hehe … jokingly, of course Speaking of Brad, our one-month anniversary happened while I was away. I called him on that day but for some reason (or maybe I’m just overreacting), he didn’t seem too happy. He was like, oh, cool, hehe. I mean, he wasn’t like disappointed or anything, but I was just expecting a little more oomph, ya know? But oh well, he still said “babe” and “I love you” at the end of our conversation, so I guess everything’s cool Anyway, birthday-wise I got a ton of CDs, which rocked: M2M, New Found Glory, Blink 182 (”The Rock Show” rocks ), Lifehouse, The Moffatts, Dream, Linkin Park, and Destiny’s Child. Then I also got a $100 gift certificate to The Gap, the DVD of Hanson: At the Fillmore, the Modern Maturity magazine with Hanson on the cover, some purple t-shirt, and a subscription to HTP magazine from Dad (that was awhile ago, actually, but oh well). Gotta find a Gap soon, lol. Oh, and if anybody was wondering, the Linkin Park CD is AWESOME! You MUST get it. Haha, just kidding. But it is good. About Kings Dominion, I’ve just gotta say that the Hypersonic XLC and the Volcano coasters were the highlights of my day (and hey, all I DID all day was ride coasters). I even got those little picture souvenier things … and might I add that I waited for the FRONT of each coaster except for the Rebel Yell ’cause Ross was chicken and didn’t want to. But oh well, at least I got the others. Plus, the Hypersonic and Volcano waits were 1 1/2 hours long. Talk about being bored, hot, and tired of standing! Hehe, but it was so worth it. And the guy I rode in the front with on the Hypersonic was nice, too … too bad I didn’t see him anymore, it would’ve been cool to keep in touch, whatever *big sigh* Well, I’ve g2g check email and do my site now, so ttyl! Updates on what happened with Shaune not coming to VA beach and seeing Brad (hopefully today) to come, lol. Bye!